It is so hard because he keeps throwing you a lifeline that is just out of reach in a sea of shit.
His behavior is beyond cruel. It's messed up. He wants the best of both worlds. Time for him to find out you deserve more. You will no longer be an option, or second place. You will learn to be strong, and independent, and demnad the respect you so deserve.
You can know in your heart, and mind that you gave him ample opportunity to right this wrong, and he chose not to. Stand tall. Be Proud. YOU are amazing.