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Feeling Numb

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circleoflife posted 7/10/2013 13:26 PM

So the past couple days I got more TT. Sunday I asked him to leave. He slept in his car. I felt bad and he is now sleeping in the basement. Instead of the crying, sick, hurt feelings I was having all the other times, this time I am feeling numb. I don't really have any feelings. I am emotionally/physically drained. I guess I feel a bit relieved b/c I knew he was lying about how he was contacting her.
When I first found out he said he was "done" contacting her. Mid June I found out he met her in beginning of May. Then I asked how he was contacting her. He claimed by someone else's computer. I knew it was a lie but wanted it from him. After pulling his cards, yesterday he told me he reactivated his email account a few days after DDay and was emailing her. He claims there's NC. That's a whole other email for another time.
Is the numb feeling normal? I don't know if I want to separate or R? These past couple of days I haven't been feeling anything.

lieshurt posted 7/10/2013 13:43 PM

Then finally 6/21/13 he said he met her that day. They went to Barnes and noble to a public place. Again, after d day. his excuses are lame again. he said one of the main reasons he was talking to her was that he wanted to "please" me better. So he met her and he took his laptop and went over some suggestions on ideas to help us in the bedroom

I could never R with somebody who'd actually say something this stupid. He actually said he went to another woman to get advice on how to please YOU in bed? If that were true, wouldn't it make more sense to ask the woman you are actually sleeping with what she needed him to improve upon? What an idiot!

The numb feeling is normal. You've been dealt another blow...one that hurts even more, so your body's defenses kick in.

I'm so sorry hun. (((hugs)))

rmhm97 posted 7/10/2013 14:15 PM

I know all about the numbness. That was the best word I could come up with myself this morning. My wife wants to see emotion for some reason. She wants to know that I am getting it out but for some (unknown to me) reason I am sort of mindless at the moment. I feel for you and for everyone of us that are going thru this hell. It will hurt more later I guess and maybe like someone posted to me earlier, the numbing is a way of our minds protecting us from being overwhelmed. Seems logical. Not something that I would wish on anyone. Hoping the fog clears for you soon and is replaced with sunshine.

solus sto posted 7/10/2013 17:22 PM

(((circleoflife))) Yes, the numbness is normal. It's your way of protecting yourself from the overwhelming emotions that, if constantly felt, would overwhelm and burn you out. It's a respite from the pain; no one can tolerate the pain, uninterrupted, for too long.

It's only worrisome if you get too comfortable with the numbness and work against feeling your feelings as they arise, as they will.

A good IC can go a LONG way toward helping you cope with your feelings---and the numbness, too. Do you have one? I can't recommend it highly enough.

(ETA: The stuff about him consulting with OW about techniques to improve your marriage is shockingly UN-original. I, too, heard that OW was "like a marriage counselor" and "they helped each other with their marital problems." Um, no. They created marital problems. Still, the foggy WS is an interesting breed. If your husband is not in IC himself, he needs to be. He also needs to establish FIRM and PERMANENT NC with OW, give you full transparency, and commit to R--something he does not seem to have done; no wonder you cannot decide, yourself! He's giving you nothing to work with. I hope he is like many, and pulls his head out of his nether regions before it's too late.)

[This message edited by solus sto at 5:26 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]

1Faith posted 7/10/2013 17:30 PM

There is nothing left to feel. You have already dealt with the lies, the betrayal and bullshit.

Nothing left in your emotional bag to pull from. It's completely normal.

No thank you on getting martial or sexual advice from OW. Seriously? So anytime you are alone you will think - oh did she suggest this? It is disrespectful, ridiculous and rude. Lame doesn't begin to cover it. Duh.

I am sorry for your hurt but I think you know R isn't possible without two people committed to it. You WH is not bc he is breaking NC all over the place and continuing to justify his behavior. Fog.

180 his butt, contact a lawyer and get a better idea on your options. Don't allow him to keep you in purgatory.

You deserve better than this TT BS.

(((Hugs)))

circleoflife posted 7/11/2013 11:18 AM

Thanks for the responses!

Lieshurt, I agree about WS and OW discussing "me" it is stomach turning, but yet again so is this whole ordeal!

I have an IC appt for next week. WS is getting his scheduled today.

I feel with this numbness I don't want to be with him. I'm going to give it time to make a decision. There are 2 children involved and I don't want to make a decision out of anger or haste. I want to hopefully have a clear mind then decide.
This just sucks!!!

tushnurse posted 7/11/2013 14:17 PM

Whatever decision you make is ok. But I do want you to remember that staying together because of the kids will only create dysfunction, and they deserve to grow up in a home where at least one spouse is happy and well adjusted.

((((and strength))))

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