I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.
I think WF is finally figuring out how deeply he hurt me, and how much our relationship and I have changed as a result.
He has always enjoyed "party" vacations (vegas, cabo, cancun, etc...). After what he has done, I don't trust him, nor do I want to be surrounded by a beach full of women flashing. We were discussing honeymoon options yesterday, and I kept vetoing all of his suggestions because they just aren't my scene. I like going places where everyone will be fully dressed, where it won't be a noisy, drunk, obnoxious time, and where I can actually learn something. I used to be more open minded to going to the places he likes to go. Not anymore, and probably not for a very long time if ever.
Neither of us really addressed why I'm uncomfortable with some trips... until the end of the conversation. He looked at me and got tears in his eyes and said, "it feels like the old beyondbreaking that I first met is dead and gone. I love you and the person you are now, but sometimes I miss the person you used to be. I'm sorry I murdered that person." I said, "I'm sorry. I miss the person I was before all of this too."
I love the way he put that. He murdered the old me. Kind of. Almost.
But the person I am now can be awesome too.
"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."