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Newest Member: asherssoul (45716)

User Topic: Things are getting better
mrcpu
♂ 38157
Member # 38157
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought I'd pop on and let everyone know things are going better. Our R is definitely going well and hopefully this will just be one of those things we look back on in 20 or 30 years and say "well that sucked.".

The real change came when I decided, unequivocally, to stop trying to find forgiveness in my heart for the OM (my now ex-best friend of 30+ years). I had some dumb idea, based on such a long friendship, that I should/could keep him in my life, at least on the edge somewhere. I realized that EVERY time I saw him or he texted me to come out for a beer I would get more and more ANGRY.

Once I decided to accept the fact that he was NOT my friend and to, in fact, chose to HATE him... I started to feel way better. I don't hate him in an obsessive way that eats at you, but I wouldn't attend his funeral and I might go spit on his grave!

As for my WW, she continues to show that she is sorry. I don't see any signs of her and him being in contact in anyway. I've been hyper-vigilant, especially since he started dating a neighbour of ours down the street.

Over all though.. things are going well and I want to thank everyone on here for your kind words and the occasional SMACK ACROSS THE HEAD WITH A 2x4 that I got and needed!!! :-)


D-Day 1: 22 Dec 2012
D-Day 2: 22 July 2014
Me: 40's WW: 40's Together 15 years
1st OM: ex-"Best Friend" of 30+ years

Posts: 224 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Toronto
Rebreather
♀ 30817
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good to hear things are going well. It will continue to be up and down, and don't be surprised if you hit an insane anger phase pretty soon. Then, you won't care about her or anything any more. Then, things will mellow out a tad.

I'm glad you decided to hate him. Truly, I think it is the healthiest option, at least for a time.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6643 | Registered: Jan 2011
sisoon
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the update. I'm very happy you figured this one out.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10570 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
foundoutlater
♂ 32900
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good to hear of progress mrcpu.

I'm glad you decided to hate him. Truly, I think it is the healthiest option, at least for a time.

I've got to agree. At best he is a danger to your mental health. Finding indifference for the OM is the end I am looking for. The OM for me was a friend that goes way back but never my best friend. Good luck.


Your beliefs donít make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1143 | Registered: Jul 2011
Topic Posts: 4

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