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Wayward Side :
Infidelity and loss - they both suck.

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 OktoberMest (original poster member #34173) posted at 9:47 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013

So today my BH turned up spontaneously at my place of work.

My first reaction was joy. I looked up and there he was right in front of me.

Then he said those words "Can we take a walk outside?" My heart sank, my stomach went into free fall...omg what does he think he's found? I haven't hidden anything, have nothing to hide...nothing at all...

So outside we go.

The he breaks down into tears "OKM, I'm so, so sorry", he says.

"It's ok baby, what is it?"

"I'm sorry" he says again

By now I'm convinced he's leaving me. I mean what else could it be?

"I found Neo on the road this morning, he'd been hit by a car" he says.

Neo is my 13 year old black and white cat. He was my first "rescue" right out of vet school, when he broke his leg and needed it amputating aged 5 wks. We kept him, because the owners had him as a farm cat and couldn't justify paying to treat him. We operated, and saved him. And I loved him for 13 years.

And now he's gone, 3 weeks after our baby girl, Eva, was killed the same way.

Huh? I mean really, wtf?

I can't believe this has happened.

I'm so grateful LH is not leaving me.

I can't believe that is my first thought still, especially after him giving me forgiveness.

Infidelity sucks. It leaves us WSs with the legacy that the BS may leave at any time despite the effort and hard work. Despite their desire to R and forgive. It always haunts us, back there somewhere, even when I'm not really conscious of it.

Loss sucks. These are just cats right? Nope. They're my family. I don't have kids. I had 2 cats and have 2 dogs. Someone on here called them furrykids. That's what they are to me. My girl and my boy were my furry kids, and now they're gone. That's sucks so bad.

LH is being amzing. He found Neo on the road 10mins after he'd seen him in our garden. He picked him up; cleaned the mess on the road and buried him next to our baby burmese. He then called my work to get them to hold me there so he could tell me in person. He tried to do all the right things and he so did.

He took the day off so he could be wth me today. That was lovely, especially as my last call was putting someone's loved eldery Shetland pony to sleep today.

Thank you LH. Love you. And our little furry family; present and past. x

[This message edited by OktoberMest at 3:50 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]


posts: 561   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2011   ·   location: UK
id 6403762
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authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 9:52 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013

I'm so sorry for your loss.

And I'm glad that you and LH have each other.

Hugs.

DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.

posts: 55165   ·   registered: Sep. 2nd, 2007
id 6403771
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Aubrie ( member #33886) posted at 9:52 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013

Oh OKM, I'm so very sorry. Keeping you both in my thoughts.

(((OKM)))

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

posts: 7926   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2011
id 6403772
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EmotionalFool ( member #37362) posted at 9:56 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013

I am sorry OKM

WW: 28 (ME)
BH: 28 (SI profile: CrappyLife)
D-Day- 15/10/12

posts: 334   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2012
id 6403783
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cdnmommy ( member #30182) posted at 10:14 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013

I am very sorry for your loss.

I am glad, though, that you have each other to lean on.

(((hugs))) to you both.

Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
2 great kids
Reconciling and healing

posts: 1795   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2010
id 6403802
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jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 10:18 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013

I'm so sorry for your loss.

posts: 51035   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2011
id 6403806
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DixieD ( member #33457) posted at 10:22 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013

OKM and LH. I'm very sorry to hear you lost 2 of your furkids, especially so close together. Hugs to you both.

Growing forward

posts: 1767   ·   registered: Sep. 27th, 2011
id 6403811
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scarredforever ( member #23875) posted at 10:29 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013

I am so sorry to hear this

"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."

Mark Twain

Me-BS 54
Him-WS 55
Together 35 years

6-5-06 Day of Reckoning

Familiarity breeds contempt.

posts: 1091   ·   registered: May. 5th, 2009   ·   location: swfl
id 6403820
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 OktoberMest (original poster member #34173) posted at 10:31 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013

Looking supersilious...

Eva and Neo. <3


posts: 561   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2011   ·   location: UK
id 6403821
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NoTriangles ( member #35985) posted at 10:37 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013

Oh my goodness. I am so very very sorry. To lose your Neo while you are still grieving the loss of Eva?? I can only imagine the pain and loss.

Like you, I don't have children. Only my pups. They are my kids and my babies and, for many months, were my only reason to get out of bed each day.

I hope you can cuddle with LH and your pups tonight and just remember how much joy the furkids have brought to your life.

Sending you both big hugs.

(((Neo)))

Me: Finding my SunlightHim: Traitor in my FoxholeLet go or get dragged.

posts: 1260   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2012   ·   location: a state of consciousness
id 6403830
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Darkness Falls ( member #27879) posted at 11:22 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013

Oh, OkM, I'm sorry. You're a strong lady...I would lose my mind.

(((hugs)))

And no... not just cats. My 3 are my babies.

Married -> I cheated -> We divorced -> We remarried -> Had two kids -> Now we’re miserable again

Staying together for the kids

D-day 2010

posts: 6490   ·   registered: Mar. 8th, 2010   ·   location: USA
id 6403887
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knightsbff ( member #36853) posted at 12:00 AM on Thursday, July 11th, 2013

I'm so sorry OKM & LH. My one fur baby has been such a help to me in dealing with this mess I've made.

I'm happy to hear LH has been so wonderful. I'm glad you guys have each other.

fWW 40s, BH 40s
D-day 27 Aug 2012. Kids 25, 17, 13. 2 dogs.

I edit often to fix stuff ☺️

Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.

posts: 1840   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2012   ·   location: Deep South, USA
id 6403937
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Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 12:55 AM on Thursday, July 11th, 2013

OMG I'm so sorry.

I'm utterly speechless. Sending hugs and good thoughts to you both.

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

posts: 29076   ·   registered: Feb. 28th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6403990
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SandAway ( member #37775) posted at 1:06 AM on Thursday, July 11th, 2013

I am so sorry

They will not go quietly,

the cats who've shared our lives.

In subtle ways they let us know

their spirit still survives.

Old habits still make us think

we hear a meow at the door.

Or step back when we drop

a tasty morsel on the floor.

Our feet still go around the place

the food dish used to be,

And, sometimes, coming home at night,

we miss them terribly.

And although time may bring new friends

and a new food dish to fill,

That one place in our hearts

belongs to them. . . and always will.

~Linda Barnes

fWW
BH Tred
M 19yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people

posts: 451   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2012
id 6404003
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Mrs Panda ( member #27303) posted at 2:32 AM on Thursday, July 11th, 2013

so sorry, honey

Me-48 FWW Him 51BH
M 20 years,. Fully Reconciled ❤️.
DDay#1 Nov 2008
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Prior A from 2001)
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -Kurt Vonnegut

posts: 2080   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2010   ·   location: NY state
id 6404085
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VeilLifted ( member #34692) posted at 2:41 AM on Thursday, July 11th, 2013

I'm so sorry.

((OKM & LH))

Me - BW
Him - FWH
DDay 10-29-11 2 month EA 1 time PA
He had ended it 10-28-11
Broke NC 12-20-11
S 12-21-11 filed D 1-4-12
R started/H moved home 2-8-12
2 wonderul boys 17 & 14(now 20 & 17)
Now we have a beautiful grandson!
Married 19 years(n

posts: 230   ·   registered: Jan. 31st, 2012   ·   location: Indiana
id 6404094
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heartache101 ( member #26465) posted at 3:15 AM on Thursday, July 11th, 2013

I am so sorry for your loss..

There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

posts: 3225   ·   registered: Dec. 8th, 2009   ·   location: Indiana
id 6404121
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5454real ( member #37455) posted at 4:41 AM on Thursday, July 11th, 2013

Crap, condolences to both you and LH.

Stength

BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle

posts: 5670   ·   registered: Nov. 12th, 2012   ·   location: midwest
id 6404193
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silverhopes ( member #32753) posted at 4:45 AM on Thursday, July 11th, 2013

(((OKM, LH, Eva, Neo)))

Aut viam inveniam aut faciam.

posts: 5270   ·   registered: Jul. 12th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6404197
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cinnamongurl ( member #37879) posted at 5:25 AM on Thursday, July 11th, 2013

OKM & LH hugs ×infinity!!!

My heart broke for you both reading this! I am so sorry for your losses! What an unbelievably awful thing for you both to go through!! My deepest condolences! We also have no children, just a kitty... no not JUST a kitty, they are never "just pets" they are beloved members of the family. They are best friends. They teach us to love, and to care for others, without judgement. They are always with us, even when they are gone. My thoughts and heart go out to you both! I cannot say how sorry I am for you guys! *hugs*

Eta: what beautiful pictures!

[This message edited by cinnamongurl at 11:27 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]

Me:FWS 42 He: FBS 43 and my heart
Together 22 years. We survived infidelity. "Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." Tori Amos

CG

posts: 626   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2012   ·   location: by the sea with my love
id 6404233
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