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Depressed at an alltime low

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AFrayedKnot posted 7/10/2013 15:54 PM

We are about 19 months past Dday. I am just in a funk I can't get out of.

I am not finding any joy in any thing. I can't work. I can't do yogaor any other hobbies. I can't play with the kids. I can't enjoy time with Broevil. Im not into sex. I'm not into food.

I'm not really having any A thoughts. I'm not really having any bad feelings. Just no real feeling at all.

Is this normal? Does it end? Any suggestions?

changedforlife posted 7/10/2013 16:10 PM


I do not have any advice but I just wanted to give you a virtual hug.

I am sure someone with more experience will be able to answer your questions.

Take care of yourself.

DixieD posted 7/10/2013 16:18 PM

I think it's normal Chicho. It's a normal stage, but it still sucks. Have you read about the Plain of Lethal Flatness in the HL?

BTW, I was wondering how your garden is doing now?

Jrazz posted 7/10/2013 16:21 PM

Numbness can be a pretty common side effect of the fallout of betrayal, but you gotta pay attention to which way the wind's blowing here. It could be a curve in the rollercoaster, or it could be depression seeping in.

The good news is that there is a lot of help out there for this kind of stuff. What sort of counseling resources are at your disposal?

I've definitely felt what your describing. I remember at about 1.5 years wondering if I was ever going to be happy again. I was scared that I wasn't going to get to enjoy my DD's childhood.... that thought alone kicked me in the ass and I got into more intensive therapy. I also made it a point to shut out everything but DD when we spent time together.

I would cognitively look at her enjoying a leaf on our walk and think to myself... "This moment is special. She is beautiful." The positive self talk really goes a long way to help see the good around me.

You're not alone, and you CAN find joy in things again. You just need to find a way to think outside your day to day for a boost out of this.


LosferWords posted 7/10/2013 16:29 PM

Chicho - I'm sorry you are going through this. Depression is painful and crippling.

Some of these things that you've listed off that you say you can't do anymore. Have you thought about just doing them anyway?

That's one thing I've found about depression. You really don't feel like doing anything, and if you wait until you feel like doing something, it will never happen. Sometimes you have to 'prime the pump' by starting the activity before you feel like it, and that activity itself can lift your mood, make you feel better, and motivate you.

Food for thought.

Hang in there, man, and take care.

sisoon posted 7/10/2013 16:33 PM

I went through a stage like this. In some ways it was worse than the first few months after D-Day. If it's not normal, it's pretty common.

It wasn't a sign of something wrong between me and my W. (If you're concerned, I offer you the test I used - whenever I got some clarity about what I wanted from my W, I asked her for it. When I asked, she delivered. When I had no clarity, I just told her something was pretty unpleasant for me, but I didn't know what.)

I did get through it, and the reason, I think, was that this was just another healing stage that some of us go through. I forced myself to do things - exercise, date nights, etc., but for me I think it was acknowledging the funk and processing the feelings that came with it - when I could make enough sense of the feelings to processing them - and letting time pass.

In any case, life started looking good again after a while. The 'while' was too long, but it is what it is.

In other words, hang in, bro.

[This message edited by sisoon at 4:37 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]

nowiknow23 posted 7/10/2013 16:41 PM

What you wrote is a fairly clear description of depression, at least in my experience.

Be mindful of upcoming antiversaries and special dates, as they can bring on feelings that aren't immediately recognizable as being A related, but can leave you in a slump.

How long has the funk lasted? If it's been a while with no sign of letting up, you may want to talk to your doctor.


wincing_at_light posted 7/10/2013 17:02 PM

Have you had any bouts with the Plane of Lethal Flatness yet?

I'd be wary that it might be depression if you've got a history with that, but the PLF is also a popular vacation destination once the excitement of crisis mode has started to fade.

ETA: I should have read DixieDevastated's post first. Would have saved me a ton of iPad typing frustration.

[This message edited by wincing_at_light at 5:05 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]

wifehad5 posted 7/10/2013 20:02 PM

I found that quite often the unexplainable low times could usually be traced back to an antiversary of some kind.

longroadahead22 posted 7/10/2013 21:10 PM

i hope you dont mind a WS responding. But i'm a nurse and a sufferer of depression myself. what you are describing might be normal but that does not mean that you have to suffer from depression. depression is characterized by episodes of all-encompassing low mood accompanied by low self-esteem and loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities. depressive disorder is a disabling condition that adversely affects a person's family, work or school life, sleeping and eating habits, and general health. In the United States, around 3.4% of people with major depression commit suicide, and up to 60% of people who commit suicide had depression or another mood disorder. for this reason help should be sought out. if you are not in IC i highly advise it, if you are in IC describe this to them and ask for help. only by asking for help like you did here can you get out of this funk either through the help of a good counselor or with the assistance of medication. i hope this helps

AFrayedKnot posted 7/10/2013 21:14 PM

Thank you all for the hugs and support.

Dixie- The garden is doing well except for some wascaly wabbits

I haven't been having A thoughts so I was hesitant to blame it entirely. But there are a few big A related things going on.

1. Exactly a year ago was my first and only encounter with the OM after Dday. There was a face to face meeting and 2 phone calls. It really set me back then.

2. Last week I did a 5th step. Which is the reading of an inventory my life to another person. I had been writing this inventory for about a year with the focus on the betrayals and my family. Seeing it all in one place and reading all at once was a little overwhelming.

3. Saturday I leave for las Vegas for work. Every other trip I have taken I had ourDD12 as a security blanket. Broevil wouldn't bring anyone over with her home. But this week she is away at camp.

I am not consciously thinking about any of these things but they may be weighing on the back of my mind.

[This message edited by Chicho at 9:25 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]

Jrazz posted 7/10/2013 21:42 PM

I am not consciously thinking about any of these things but they may be weighing on the back of my mind.

Betcha they are. The fact that you can type "wascaly wabbits" means there's hope. Just keep testing the ph and know when to get some assistance.

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