I have determined that it is not a remnant from the computer's previous owner (the school at which my mom is principal). I also have a friend from law school who works for the general counsel at waffle and MOW's employer.
Do I pass this info along and encourage the karma bus? Strategically, it makes no difference to my divorce case.
[This message edited by roughroadahead at 9:53 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]
That would guide my decision in this.
He may have had a legitimate business reason for the hotel room and just brought her along.
He may have booked it using the corporate account number but paying it himself.
He may have his own account number.
Or a myriad of other reasons.
Sharing this info with your friend only puts her in an awkward position - not him.
If I had actual solid proof of inappropriate conduct I still don't know that I would report unless it was major fraud or impacted me directly.
These things have a way of being found out eventually and I would personally feel a whole lot better not driving the karma bus myself.
Trust me - it feels waaaaay better when they drive their own bus.
Karma comes in ways and times you least expect it. I honestly believe most of us don't actually know when it hits because we've distanced ourselves appropriately.
In any event - he lost me. I have gone on to have a happy and fulfilling life - long may it continue!
He has to live with himself and what he has done every single day of his life. That there is enough karma for me - even if he is too broken to ever realise it.
Any other ways he wrecks his life doesn't make me happy (except for the fact that it reinforces I dodged so many bullets) - it will just be an amusing anecdote to share here.
Don't make karma your goal - let it be indifference.
[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 10:44 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]
Basically, it is MOW I would like to see suffer.
I know indifference is my goal. I would really like to get there. I think I may be struggling with the looming wedding anniversary.
It doesn't change my advice here.
Basically, it is MOW I would like to see suffer.
She is in a relationship with a lying, cheating POS. That there is enough Karma for me.
I think you're looking for something unattainable. You are a good hearted person who has been hurt terribly. You would like for this black hearted OW to be hurt too. She will be hurt - she has been hurt, but not in ways discernible to you because you are not in her life.
Vengeful thoughts make you feel good for a nano-second and can distract you from the pain momentarily. But it doesn't last and in fact allowing her so much free real estate in your head keeps your wounds open and festering for far longer than they need to be.
SHE is not your problem. HE is. If it wasn't her it would have been some other OW. There is nothing special about her - she was just the next and nearest willing.
In time he won't be your problem anymore - detachment will give you this gift. But it doesn't happen without effort.
What you're feeling is completely normal but don't get stuck here too long. You're focussing on the wrong people. They don't deserve any of your focus. Put your energy into you - you will reap great rewards for your effort.
((RRA)) None of this is easy. Easier said than done is an understatement. It isn't easy but it works.
Remember, they like the 'us vs. the world' thing. It will only feed their fantasy, their drama, and not give them a "wow, I really fucked up," moment.
And that's even *if* anything comes of it.
Let time pass and karma will hit her harder than anything you can do. It will be worth the wait.
Dont retreat, reload.
"Pull that knife out of your back - and sever the fuel line to that bus you got thrown under" Bufffalo
But, since he is incapable of feeling love, I doubt he can feel pain. He has no conscious, has rewritten the history of the marriage and has turned me into a cold hearted bitch.
I don't protect him and have told my close friends and family what he did.
I know what will happen with the OW. If he's true to his pattern (I am wife #3, same outcome with wife #2 - only he had two affairs that she knew of in that marriage. I bet the same thing happened to wife #1). He'll marry her in a year or so, marriage will last a few years and then, he'll kick her to the curb.
He will never know true love in his life. He'll always be chasing that brass ring. He'll always be trying to fill that empty spot with cars, clothes, trying to impress others with his accomplishments, work himself to death to get, get, get.
Sounds like he will be a passenger on that bus for a very long time.....
He has now shoved that incident firmly into the vault and continues in denial. I can't risk his job due to the insurance benefits for my children, but I really, really want that bitch to suffer. Maybe nothing would come of this incident, but her name would be "out there" in case anything further came up.
I know it's unproductive to have so much anger against MOW. It comes and goes in waves. Like I said, I am gearing up for the first post-S wedding anniversary, so that may have me cycling back to anger.
I've now been through all of my firsts - this first year has been rough and I suspect year 2 will have some unexpected rough patches on this damned rollercoaster.
But. I am growing and healing a little more every single day. I am active in it, rather than passive.
When I had these kinds of thoughts I found the pain unbearable. Once I started pushing the thoughts away for a little while I found the angry phases didn't last quite so long and I didn't end up on the floor after them for quite so long.
Stay true to you, friend. Nothing you do to her will take this pain away. Nothing you do to her will bypass what you need to go through. As they say here the only way through it is through it.
Please don't stay here too long - it is toxic. The root of anger is hurt, let the hurt out and cry as much as you need to.
I remember the crying bouts used to be crippling but now they are cleansing. Give yourself time and space to grieve.
You are going to be OK. I promise you you won't always feel this way.
As others have said, let it go. Karma has a way of doing things way better than we do. If interfered with, there is too much possibility of it not going how it was supposed to.
I understand the burning desire to make OW suffer. I've had many delightful () scenarios in my head for the last 4 years. I even had a very specific one planned for the day my D was final. That was 4 months ago & now ... ptth, don't care enough.
The magic realization: OW wanted my M, my XH, my life. Now she's got it (almost): my
XH cheats on her, plus, I'm guessing he blames her, out loud, for trashing his M. That is the best kind of karmic retribution.
Entertain yourself w/preposterous scenarios that you'd never do. Have a laugh, then let it go.
Now: happy in life, happily in love with the RIGHT man
Everything is as it should be.