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Newest Member: zradila (58051)

User Topic: So much for NC
♀ 38735
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So after posting on another thread last night about how I've been NC with STBX since Mother's Day and getting compliments on how well I'm doing, NC bit the dust today with disastrous results.

So STBX informs me today that he and the skankwhore are moving out of their basement apartment into a rental house on Aug. 1st. First of all, I should say that this apartment had no kitchen or laundry for two small children. He swore that the landlord was going to put in a kitchen and a washer/dryer. Well, four months later, nothing has been done. Duh, I told him he should have found a place that at least had a kitchen! So they needed to find a new place.

So now he informs me that the rental has a pool, with no pool fence! We have a 10 month old son who is crawling and will be walking soon. I told him that this was a deal breaker and that he and whore needed to find a safe home for the kids to stay at (I called him). He basically told me to eff off and that it was none of my business. He later texted and said that he would take care of getting a pool fence, just like he was going to take care of getting a kitchen in the old place. Pool fences are not cheap and STBX does not have the money for one. Also, I'm guessing the landlord doesn't want to pay for one as I doubt he and skankwhore mentioned having kids their sometimes.

The thing is, it's actually illegal in my state to have a pool at a home without a barricade if their are children under 6 living there. I'm calling my attorney tomorrow for guidance in this.

After the call, we just exchanged a few angry texts and got nowhere. I've been crying for the past hour.

All I want is to parent with him as peacefully as possible. He lives his life and I live mine. How can I do that when he can't even provide a safe home for my children! I know that skankwhore was the one that wanted this house and he doesn't have the balls to tell her no because it's not safe. Before any of this happened he would have totally been on my side. We bought a home with a pool and no fence a few years ago. We delayed our move in until we could get a pool fence installed.

Why oh why are we forced to patent with these selfish assholes!

[This message edited by newlysingle at 10:40 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]

BW - Me (40)
XWH -The Gnat
"Engaged" to OW, but the wedding appears to be indefinitely postponed.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (8), 1 DS (3)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 1256 | Registered: Mar 2013
♀ 14918
Member # 14918
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have your attorney write a letter stating that no visitation will take place until a fence is installed. Also, inform CPS and whomever else you need to in order to get them fined!

Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?

Posts: 1546 | Registered: Jun 2007
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 11:11 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This really resonated with me. This is a saying that you should pick your fights carefully and be sure that what you're fighting about is the hill that you would be willing to die on.

This is such a hill.

We will be burying the sweetest little 5 year old boy, Sebastian, that you would ever have been privileged to know, shortly. He was found in the bottom of a FENCED pool at a friends house Monday afternoon. He was breathing when they pulled him from the pool, but he died on Tuesday morning at about 3:30am. His parents, are understandably destroyed. His twin sister cannot understand why her brother, who she has never been separated from in her 5 years, is not with them.

We watched this couple get married on our ships. We watched the wife in her pregnancy. We saw the babies right after they were born. We celebrated with them every year as they came down with daddy and grandpoppa to see the ships. They had their 5th birthday as a pirate party on one of our ships. And we'll never see him again.

Get to your lawyer and fight. You don't want to bury a baby.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 8543 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 4:26 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know what you have to do and you are doing it; you've gotten sound counsel here. I just want to reassure you that you have NOT broken NC--remember that kids and finances are NOT a part of NC.

Fight the good fight momma.

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
Him: WXH-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

Posts: 24688 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Southern New Mexico
♀ 30102
Member # 30102
Default  Posted: 6:23 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If the pool has an exterior fence, that may satisfy the requirement.

2 years ago, we moved to a home with a pool. I was a mess of nerves, as my little one had just turned 2. I looked at having a child fence installed, but she is smart and could scale it if she really wanted to. So I did some research and found ISR (infant swim/rescue) that teaches babies as little as 6 weeks old the "swim-float-swim" method of rescue swimming. It was so much more valuable then a flimsy pool fence would have been, and I am confident now that my 4 year old knows what to do should she accidentally fall in somewhere. I urge you to google your local provider--the lessons aren't cheap but they are priceless, you know?

If nothing else, perhaps you can force you WH to pay for the lessons, which will give you piece of mind when your LO isn't with you.

Me: BW-35
Him: WS-34
D-Day #1: 16 August 2010
D-Day #2: 16 January 2011
One smallish kiddo.

Posts: 616 | Registered: Nov 2010
♀ 38735
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. He is now back pedaling and saying that both he and the landlord know it's illegal and the landlord is having the fence installed. It is illegal here to not have a child fence if the kids are under 6. Everyone here has perimeter walls as we live behind cinderblock walls in AZ. The fence we have is a 6 foot iron fence, so it is permanent not mesh.

I'm so sorry about Sebastian. My condolences to you and your friends. It is definitely a parent's worst nightmare. It is one of the great dangers of living here in AZ. Everyone we know has a pool. It is critical that kids can swim as soon as possible.

Yes, ISR. Ironically, I bought a gift certificate for ISR classes at a silent auction. I was planning and enrolling the baby when I'm home in August. So he will be doing that. I do still want the pool fence as added security though.

Thank you everyone. I told him that the kids will not be at his house until I can see with my own eyes, in person, that the fence has been installed.

BW - Me (40)
XWH -The Gnat
"Engaged" to OW, but the wedding appears to be indefinitely postponed.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (8), 1 DS (3)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 1256 | Registered: Mar 2013
♀ 38735
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I should add that I'm not too worried about my 5 year old. She's been in swimming lessons for 2 years and is a strong swimmer. I still like the fence though, because she needs to know that she can still only swim with an adult present.

BW - Me (40)
XWH -The Gnat
"Engaged" to OW, but the wedding appears to be indefinitely postponed.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (8), 1 DS (3)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 1256 | Registered: Mar 2013
Topic Posts: 7

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