It's hard to make a decision when you're too tired to hold on and too in love to let go. ~ unknown
Unfortunately, my WH chose to betray my trust again. But hopefully your situation will be different.
I don't honestly see me ever recovering that level of trust.
Forgiving someone doesn't mean you will take leave of your senses...
I was able to forgive. I have complete trust in my H. The difference now, I wouldn't ignore the headlights of an oncoming car, KWIM?
The blind trust I gave before was really more like an ostrich...I stuck my head in the sand and ignored the obvious.
Unfortunately, my WH chose to betray my trust again. But hopefully your situation will be different
Sorry, MP. I'm happy for all of you who have been able to. I found out about my wh back in 2008. And unfortunately my wh has also betrayed my trust again more than once. Not physically, as far as I know, because I'm constantly watching for signs. I mean CONSTANTLY. I'm always on high alert. I don't trust him out alone. But I don't really trust him with me either. I'm constantly scanning for someone or something, watching him closely everywhere we go. I can never just relax and enjoy myself.
[This message edited by whatnow8 at 12:27 AM, July 11th (Thursday)]
I'm sorry your WH betrayed your trust again. I am at a point right now where I, too, don't know how I will ever trust my WH again. I am trying to just release the things I cannot control (his actions) and remember that whatever happens, I will ultimately be okay. (((hugs)))
I started wondering if real forgiveness is ever possible. Has anyone here ever been able to completely trust their ws without any doubt like nothing ever happened?
Real forgiveness is possible. Don't know how to address the complete trust part, but I will try.
I have forgiven my STBXWW. I actually felt bad for her when I heard that the latest POSER had lied to and cheated on her. I even said that if she wanted to come back on SI, I had no intention of outing her or any other malicious crap. Hell, if she wanted to pass herself off in JFO, that was not my concern, as at this point I am not involved in that little triangle.
As far as trust, I trust her to be herself, with all her good qualities, and all her faults, the unaddressed faults in this case mean that she is not a safe partner.
Like most people, my new SO also has a life history. I am aware of more than a few events/incidents in her past that taken on their own would be cause for concern, but I trust her to be herself, and thus conclude that the past is not something I should be concerned about in the future, and that she is a safe partner. I believe the primary difference is one of basic character, and without trying to denigrate or elevate either, one likes to ignore personal issues, while the other feels a need to address them.
I spent enough time looking for, chasing after, hoping for, and being frustrated waiting for R, that I can confidently say that it is not a change in the object of my affections that allows me to feel this way. It is the observation of a substantive difference.
Do not back up. Severe tire damage.
Have I always made the right choices in life, no. Have I always been kind, no. Have I blamed him for things gone wrong in our marriage, yes. Have I blamed myself for things gone wrong in our marriage, yes, I have. Have I always been there for him, yes. Have I supported him, yes. Loved him, yes. treated him with respect, yes. Been honest, except for little white lies now and again, Yes I Have. Kept true to my vows, YES I HAVE. I would say I have a pretty good track record. Yet, he began cheating because he "thought I was cheating too"....yeah right. Tell yourself more lies to justify your shit choices. Damn that kind of crap some WS pull pisses me off!
[This message edited by blking at 5:17 AM, July 11th (Thursday)]
Then it's not trust given blindly, it's a smarter trust.
It took me a very long time to get to where I could even think I had some trust. I'll always be more aware now. I won't just ignore the signs, if I ever see them again.
I'm 3yrs from DD but only 8 months from last broken NC.
Do I forgive him? Honestly, I don't know and I dont think about it much anymore. I'm still angry, I know that- I've probably forgiven him somewhat but not completely.
As for trust - no way. And I don't think forgiveness would mean I automatically trust him. You can have one without the other.
You still feel insecure in his actions, he has obviously given you reason to continue to doubt him. I don't know that I would have been able to forgive in that situation either.
I had a WS that wanted to R, and really got it after about 2months. It still took a solid 2 years to get to the point where I felt healed, and forgave what he did. Like Karma said, I trust too, but I'm not blindly trusting. I will see that trainwreck coming from far down the tracks IF it were to ever happen again.
I will see that trainwreck coming from far down the tracks IF it were to ever happen again.