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Mr. Passive/aggressive so full of BS

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Duffy1958 posted 7/11/2013 00:23 AM

He is so full of it. He admits nothing AND he is trying to rewrite marital history. If everything was on the up & up as he says, why is he trying to rewrite history?

He said I am the reason he & the ex-wife, mother of his adult sons, I am the reason they don't talk. I said are you kidding me? Did you really just say that?

Why are all of his responses wrong & inflammatory if he didn't have wrong intentions?

If it walks like a duck, QUACKS like a duck, it's an effing duck.

I don't have a TON of proof. I don't need it. This is my life, my marriage. Not a jury trial. At this point he could be convicted of, at the least EA, on circumstantial evidence. IF it were a trial but it's not & if I am lied to & ALL of the other shit I'm fixing to name, (for myself-I NEED this) I can not do this.

He said:I don't believe in lying. I say:you didn't tell me about a second marriage, you didn't tell me your ex-wife had sex w underage kid, nor about his DUI. I have been totally honest about my "history" & accepting of his yet he was a no show with this info.

The reasons he gave for my "crazy" wild imagination? "Honey, do you really think I would do something like that this late in the game?" when I called him on such ignorant statement, he was seething! I guess he thought it was a good reason?

He never once said he wouldn't be acting like a snake because he loved me.

When he told me that I was livid because it flies in the face of what really happened. I snapped his head off so he stopped giving me reasons.

He has also tried to misconstrue the order in which our arguments happened, conveniently making me look like trigger happy, jealous wife. No asshat. I wrote everything down. Thank you for the iPad.

I am so mad. He has an answer for everything, now he goes silent, going to wait this out, rug sweep, deny, act like the best husband, this will blow over.

I would be out if my mind. Why is he "guarding" his cell phone? I don't think anything happened beyond what I originally posted but why the fuck is he guarding his cell?

I looked through his contacts. There is no contact for R-the ex. Huge red flag. I'm sure he remembers her frickin numbers. From her phone to SS#, bra size etc. I really think he would feel compelled to put her in. You never know, he could need to quick dial her. He WOULD put her in, yet there is no entry. Must be under something else.

Another thing that pissed me the hell off. My contact info is under "Honey" then under that 1958. WTF does that mean? My info is correct & up to date. I was sneaking his iPhone & I didn't get to see who other "Honey" contact info was.

In the end this is BS. It just is. He has always "checked" up on me as though I might cheat. I have never cared, I have nothing to hide. Check away. I was understanding of this because of R, the first wife.

He swears to God he is not passworded up yet he has a password on everything. He did, after 13 years give me password to cell. He LIED & said he gave it to me a year prior. No. I WOULD remember that earth shattering event. I wonder if it is changed now? I'm sure it's cleaned up.

I looked at his gmail account. Nothing. Nada. Not a thing. Or out going OR trash. Does he have his email zipped up? He's done something. Also there was a folder with my name on it with nothing in it. I don't email my husband for any reason. I don't think I EVER have.

I'm leaning towards Internet porn. I think that's it. I think the ex wife wiggling herself got him hopeful but she isn't interested. She has convicts to convert & make good money doing it. That MUST be torture for him.

I have to go do some things but am going to add to this post. I'm about to implode.

RedRaven6500 posted 7/11/2013 02:50 AM

"No asshat. I wrote everything down. Thank you for the iPad."

haha....this made me snort!!! Some of the shit they do (and don't do, say and don't say, etc.) just piss me right the hell off! Especially when you write it down in your journal after they have said it, then when it is brought up again they try and say that they didn't say it, do it, mean it that way...and all the other BS responses they come up with...smh

[This message edited by blking at 5:11 AM, July 11th (Thursday)]

Unagie posted 7/11/2013 03:18 AM

I started secretly recording our convos so he could see that I remembered the things he said accurately. That lasted for two arguments because when I pulled out the file and started playing it he blew up. He told me it was a breach of privacy to record OUR arguments and that he can't believe I'd do that without telling him. It wouldn't matter if I wrote it down either he'd tell me I'm remembering it wrong or saying it in the wrong context or not being logical. I get the passive aggresive. I hate it with a passion, I realize its been done subtly for most of our relationship. If I say that though he wants specific examples and exactly what was said. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. I'm sorry he is still hiding and keeping secrets, I'm sorry you still have to snoop (that in itself takes a toll). I don't have advice other then to do what's right for you and don't think of how it will effect him.

Duffy1958 posted 7/11/2013 11:32 AM

I'm glad you got a laugh Blking! It's true though, they try to confuse you. If the answers were what they were suppose to be why try to confuse the issue. This is a problem we are suppose to be solving right? If I was just MISTAKEN & all those coincidences were really just a coincidence, we are left with a problem to solve right? So why the hell does he throw everything at the discussion? I'm crazy! <----This is going to bite him in the ass because he will WET himself when I go to first counseling appointment.

"I can't make up my mind. One time I want him to talk to her, next time no." No asshat, your responses are wrong whenever R is around. Why?

Once we were all cleaning #1 son apartment together. Asshat is cleaning an area. R decides she is cleaning head to head with asshat. Seriously. Head to head. I left & went home. He came home a bit later. It was inappropriate in that body space was out of line AND it was his ex wife. He swore nothing like this would ever happen again, it was a mistake.

Nothing like that has happened again but it is always something if R is involved & his actions are NOT appropriate for a "committed" married man.

When I first "met" her, my husband & I were newly dating, I was at his house & we were playing around on the couch. I was sitting on top of him, teasing him, when the front door bursts open, in walks #2 SS, his GF & R! WTF? I didn't know who she was, wasn't introduced to her at the time. They didn't stay long & I was amused at the blatant curiosity of the ex. Stupid me. He was amused too. I didn't blame him, she cheated on him but now, after the years of shit & a few other things thrown in, I caught him trying to clear his weekend with his kids & I was not included. Now I'm going to have to try to figure out if this is first time. You & I both know it's not. Statistically a person does something at least 7 times before getting caught.

My hubs is retired law enforcement. 30 years. He is TRAINED & gave training on how to write reports "creatively" I see him act like a cop a lot. What he forgets is I am a cops daughter AND a CSA survivor. My eyes are every bit as good as his, my instincts. Study of body language.

This is part of what kills me. Do I EVER get to relax & NOT have to use my skills? The answer is yes. I have to exit this marriage. I can not, CAN NOT live like a survivor in my marriage. I don't know if I wrote that where it makes sense. I'm just thinking out loud to the turmoil inside.

What I know too, at this point, no matter what evidence I had, he would deny. I thought about a VAR but I can't. If there is such a lack of trust, I'm done. I think HE keeps track of me electronically, somehow. Can he put a key logger on my iPad? I can google it. I just never frickin

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