meaniemouse, thanks for this.
I too went into my marriage "eyes wide shut," if you will. She had cheated on me when we were dating, and I looked past it, congratulating myself on what a forgiving guy I was. She was volatile, but I looked past it, congratulating myself on my easy personality. I decided that she would soften and become wholesome, that I would "rub off" on her. It was conceited and unwise.
There were things about her I found attractive, but damn, what was I thinking, really? I really wanted a relationship, but had little faith I'd find healthy reciprocated feelings, so I decided to start with whatever I could find and somehow turn it into something beautiful.
If I'm not careful I'll do the same thing all over again.