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meaniemouse posted 7/11/2013 08:44 AM

Today would have been my 33rd wedding anniversary. Unlike many of you who thought you were marrying your best friend and would stay that way for life, I knew from the get go that I was making a BIG mistake. But I was too young and afraid to call a halt to the huge production and great expense my parents went to for their only daughter's wedding. He was an ass that day as he had been for much of our very short engagement. Many other times that should have been special in our lives were ruined because he was just basically an awful person. His serial cheating was actually my way out of a horrible relationship. Sometimes I still want to bop myself in the head and ask, "what WERE you thinking?" It's hard not to let regret and sadness for the loss of so many years make me hate myself for being so stupid.
But---even though my life is far from perfect and I've come to the realization that I could be alone for the rest of my life, I'm ok with where I am now. My future is uncertain but that makes it kind of exciting. The best part is that it's all up to me, I get to choose. And I know without a doubt I'll never make a mistake like him again. Whew

OnceInALifetime posted 7/11/2013 10:46 AM

meaniemouse, thanks for this.

I too went into my marriage "eyes wide shut," if you will. She had cheated on me when we were dating, and I looked past it, congratulating myself on what a forgiving guy I was. She was volatile, but I looked past it, congratulating myself on my easy personality. I decided that she would soften and become wholesome, that I would "rub off" on her. It was conceited and unwise.

There were things about her I found attractive, but damn, what was I thinking, really? I really wanted a relationship, but had little faith I'd find healthy reciprocated feelings, so I decided to start with whatever I could find and somehow turn it into something beautiful.

If I'm not careful I'll do the same thing all over again.

nowiknow23 posted 7/11/2013 12:20 PM

My future is uncertain but that makes it kind of exciting. The best part is that it's all up to me, I get to choose.
This is like a motto for the NB forum. Good for you, meanie!

meaniemouse posted 7/11/2013 18:44 PM

Thanks OIAL--you know--I knew what he was but I guess I was either so young and silly or just arrogant or idealistic but I really thought he would "get it" eventually. When I think about how awful he was to me and how long I put up with it--well, it kind of makes me want to pull my face off.

I am glad I got out. And I do have three beautiful daughters that I wouldn't have had, but for him. So we had to learn our lesson the hard way. At least we learned--right?

And thanks, NIK. It's a good motto--now I just hafta FOLLOW it!

shiloe posted 7/11/2013 20:04 PM

I've come to the realization that I could be alone for the rest of my life,

I think this will be me also, and it scares me, but then I think .. "I would rather be alone than be with a cheater" and I sincerely mean it.

meaniemouse posted 7/11/2013 22:15 PM

I hear you. Better to be alone that to wish you were--so says Ann Landers and I'm with her!

SBB posted 7/12/2013 20:16 PM

Meanie, I too knew that it was a mistake. I too want to rip my face off and I too feel his cheating was my get out of jail free card.

Even when things were 'good' for those first few years they didn't really feel authentic. I sometimes felt like I was in a RomCom. He was quite fond of the grand gesture - somehow those crumbs kept me going for almost a decade.

He used me to have children. I feared it but dismissed my gut and thought it was my FOO issues sabotaging my opportunity for happiness. He detached abandoned me emotionally virtually the moment I found out I was pregnant.

Damn.

But - whatever time we wasted with them is one day less than we might have. For that I am eternally grateful.

I now have a real chance of that happiness that had eluded me during that lost decade. I am excited about my present and my future all over again - I thought I had lost that excitement forever, that my book had been written and that there was nothing I could do about it.

Instead I am undertaking a major rewrite of my future - if I had a tail you would see it wagging wildly.

((meaniemouse))

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