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Is marriage that meaningless?

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tryingagain74 posted 7/11/2013 12:02 PM

XWH dropped the kids off from their weekly overnight this morning. I saw him wearing his new wedding ring for the first time. It just made me feel disgusted. What does marriage even MEAN to him? If I ever get married again, it won't be for a long time. I don't want to rush into a serious commitment; I want to make sure that I'm making the right decision for me and my kids, and I don't want to marry a decent man for the sole purpose of filling a void in my life.

But XWH? Marriage is like a suit to him-- he wore the first one for a while, and then he felt it was old and tattered, so he threw it away and immediately bought himself a new one. What's truly pathetic about him is that he can't see that while the first one might have been old, it was made with strong craftsmanship and could have withstood the test of time if he had just had it repaired in places. The new one he bought is cheap and not made to last, but it's new and appears nicely pressed, so he's happy to wear it. I hope that my kids learn from me and not from him-- that relationships are so disposable to him and easily replaced is a horrid lesson that I hope they never internalize.

I'm not upset about it... just one of those glimpses of his surreal life that I needed to talk out. I really have no idea who it was I married, and I can't believe that I ever married someone who thought so lightly of our commitment to each other.

FaithFool posted 7/11/2013 12:08 PM

You have a fabulous attitude. That would weird me out no end if my x had remarried so quickly.

As it is he's claiming to be unable to have relationships now because he's so afraid of hurting people like he hurt me.

I feel kind of sorry for both these men. They are missing out on all kinds of fabulousness.

Lola2kids posted 7/11/2013 12:20 PM

The title of your post caught my attention right away.

I love your suit analogy. Unfortuanately the "new" suit ex bought is neither new nor cheap. But it won't last. I keep telling myself that anyways.

Ex said to me that marriage was just a piece of paper and that you can be committed to someone without the paper. This was after his marriage fell apart when his wife cheated on him. And then he met me.
After he cheated on me he said that MOW was just brainwashed into thinking that marriage was forever. He said he believed that people are only meant to be together for a short time and then when they aren't happy anymore they move on to something else. Wow.

Now he is supposedly engaged to now divorced OW. So, does he still believe that marriage is a sham? Probably.
Does she know that he feels that way? I doubt it very highly.

You have to have a basic contempt for marriage to do what these W have done.

I hope in time I learn that not everyone feels or thinks the way that ex does.

Housefulloflove posted 7/11/2013 12:47 PM

Marriage is totally meaningless to someone like that. It's not "till death do us part." It's, "till I feel like I want to pursue someone else."

Some people only marry because it's what a "good" and "normal" person does when they "love" someone and they want to be associated with those labels despite being broken assholes who use then hurt people rather than love them.

Kajem posted 7/11/2013 13:12 PM

When my X married OW.. (2 weeks after being final) I was devastated. Someone once told me I should be proud he married quickly. It means he likes being married, if our marriage was so horrible, why would he jump into it so quickly?

DD4 when she was about 12-13 asked me why I married him, I told her because I loved him. She then asked him why he married me.. because he "thought he loved me". Then she asked why did he marry OW, his answer "because it was weird living with her and not being married."

Makes perfect sense in his world.

10 years later, he is still married to OW, and I am not married. Gee, I wonder who thought the marriage was horrible and who didn't?

I'm taking my time, figuring out my next change of life..(empty nest) and exactly what that means to MY Life...

Hugs, because it stings... but know that when you are healed it won't make a difference what he is wearing. YOU will be fabulously healthy and he will still be broken.

More hugs,


tesla posted 7/11/2013 13:29 PM

Marriage is like a suit to him-- he wore the first one for a while, and then he felt it was old and tattered, so he threw it away and immediately bought himself a new one.

Actually, I think Dopey kinda got fat and gross. He had a beautiful, well-made suit but he let himself go and realized he couldn't wear it anymore. He could have gotten his sad-ass self on a diet or excercise program so he could keep himself in the right condition to wear that fabulous suit...alas, it was easier to chuck it for something cheaper...but hey, at least it fits...for the moment.

Is marriage meaningless? To me, for the time being, it is. But motherhood and family isn't. That's where I've decided to put my focus for the next couple of years.

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