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Newest Member: NumbEmptySad (61504)

User Topic: How to recover
♀ 39518
Member # 39518
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I posted my first post yesterday. I found out that my BF of 14 months has been chatting and trying to get women to meet him for sex. I confronted him with a print out of just one of the text exchanges with one woman and believe me there are plenty to choose from

So last night, I was talking to someone who knows him and knows a lot of people in the area. Before I go further, I. Should say that for the last couple of months someone has been sending me anonymous messages on Facebook warning me about him and the things he does. It was very obvious that this person had talked to him because the messages were referencing things that he would have told this one particular person, AW. She is the person that I was speaking to last night.

I found out that pretty much everything he has ever said to me has been a lie, even the small stuff that no one would lie about. He has talked badly about me behind my back to almost everyone he knows, and knowing the way he talks about other people, I don't doubt that this is true. That is just devastating, I thought he loved me. i had to hang up the phone with AW because I was crying so hard I couldn't talk.

The last couple of months has totally sucked, I thought we were making such progress and building a beautiful life together. Now I find out that he has been sponging money from his friends and telling me that it was pay from odd jobs that he was supposedly doing. He's suspected of burglary of several houses over the last few years. He always told me that his 2 previous marriages ended due to infidelity on his wives' part, but I found out from this friend (who has known him prior to the end of his second marriage) that the infidelity was on his part.

I am standing on quicksand. I believed what he told me about his history utterly and completely - what a fool I feel.

How do you recover from this - this awful feeling of not being able to tell what is truth or lie? I just can't believe it, all the small things from the past are running through my head and I still can't see the lie but I know he did because the information from his friend tells me so. She would have no way of knowing otherwise. Help me make seen of this.

Posts: 72 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Lone Star State
♀ 38975
Member # 38975
Angry  Posted: 12:55 PM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to SI - the club no one ever wanted to be a member of.

Please know that this is safe place, a place someone will always be here and understand. I am sorry you are hurting.

I am sorry to say you can't make sense of nonsense.

You have been hurt and betrayed. Your BF is a liar and a cheater.

You are not the fool he is. He is twisted, sick and is broken.

Run for the hills. Get out now. There is nothing worth salvaging here. He is a serial cheater and he will continue to cheat.

RED FLAG #1 - he's been married two times. Not a great track record.

Have you confronted your BF yet?

Go to the Healing Library (see yellow box in the upper right hand corner)

You can make it through. You deserve better than staying with this selfish man.

Stay strong and know you are not alone.

Good luck.

Sometimes my life feels like a test I didn't study for

Posts: 3319 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Celticlass. The trick here is that there is NO sense that can be made of what they've done.

You need to protect yourself from his lies rather than beg him for truth - only he has control over what he tells you.

And the "anonymous" FB messenger? That's likely OW trying to break the two of you up. If someone outside the situation is kindly trying to tell a BS that their spouse is cheating on them, it's usually concise and apologetic, and not filled with personal details shared with the WS. While the information might have truth in it, I would not trust the intent.

Try to distance yourself as much as you can from this, if only mentally and emotionally. Your WS needs to come completely clean, and start doing a pile of work before you lift a finger to try and save this. Take care of yourself, focus on YOU and what you need - in relationships as well as life.

Come post as often as you need. We're her to help you, and to make "sense" of the things you can control.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

Posts: 29076 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
♀ 39518
Member # 39518
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the advice. The OW is welcome to him! I'm just going to try to make his life miserable so he will leave the apartment , otherwise I'm stuck with him until the end of

I started reading the healing library and love the idea of the 180, but it sounds hard to do. I'm going to read it again before I go home.

It's so nice to be able to talk with folks who understand and have such helpful advice.

Posts: 72 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Lone Star State
♀ 39139
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't worry about making him miserable--just work on making yourself happy. Even though it may seem interminable, the end of August is not so far into the future. Sort out your finances and keep yourself (and your stuff, especially your finances!!!) safe from this guy.

Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 978 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: BFE
♀ 39518
Member # 39518
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so mad that I can hardly stand it. He signed the new lease yesterday,so now I'm going to have to move

Posts: 72 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Lone Star State
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Then get out as quickly as you can with all of your stuff. See if you can parcel your stuff out to your friends so he can't get his hands on it. You need to protect YOURSELF and FTG!

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10065 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♀ 39518
Member # 39518
Default  Posted: 12:41 AM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today has been an extremely busy day. I will have everything out of my apt tomorrow & then hopefully, I will find someplace to live this week.

I hope he continues to stay away. I just need a few more hours to get the rest of my furniture out. He still seems to think that he can convince me to stay......I am not blinded by his bullshit. He his going to be sitting in the dark with no electricity or cable and he'll have to pay $25 for the privilege (he has "lost " his key) of having the apt complex open the door for him.

He didn't really lose his key. He left it in his best friends car and they gave it to me, lol. Course, they don't know that I'm not going to give it to him

Oh, I'm changing my phone number right after I slam that door on the uhaul and drive the fuck out of town!

Posts: 72 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Lone Star State
Topic Posts: 8

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