Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-

SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Giupeppe (46032)

User Topic: Meetup - Bait & Switch?
ajsmom
♀ 17460
Member # 17460
Frustrated  Posted: 4:52 PM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a result of my four day staycation sabbatical over the 4th of July holiday last weekend in which I dissected my entire life, I decided that I would get myself out there to meet some new people and – shudder the thought – actually dip my toe into the IthinkIjustmightwanttostartdating pool.

In order to cast the widest net, I carefully viewed some of the Meetup choices in my neck of the woods and came upon one that seemed to be pretty laid back with some interesting events planned for singles over 45. It looks like they do one or two active outdoorsy things a month with a good splattering of restaurant and happy hour meet ‘n greets as well as some live music events with local popular cover bands I like.

I did the sign up and was welcomed into the group right away, which was great because they have a meet ‘n greet coming up this Sunday at a really nice lakefront restaurant from which I know the owners well. I figured what the heck, I’d give that a try and worst case scenario, I’d let them know I don’t exactly feel a “connection” to them.

See, I have learned something here after all!

Today I get an email from one of the organizers (whom, by the way actually started a sentence with “Anyway”…grrr) in which she mentions the HALF MARATHON she and a couple of folks ran in a few weeks back and after the race how much they enjoyed the VEGAN food at the after-race expo. She then goes on to invite us all to some sort of (cough,cough) “seminar” several of the vendors from this expo are doing next week Tuesday to teach us all about VEGAN food, supplements and other goodies for those of us who “want/desire to get healthy.”

Good gravy, Miss Mably, now I’m not so sure these folks are what I need right now, because, dammit – I LIKE MEAT!!! Additionally, I’m all for fitness, but have absolutely NO desire to run even an eighth of a marathon and if I have to stand around in a meet ‘n greet eating tofu encrusted kale, well, I think I might actually die.

So, what to do? Buck it up and go meet these freaks, urrrr…I mean folks, or find another group? Argh.

AJ's MOM

[This message edited by ajsmom at 4:53 PM, July 11th (Thursday)]


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21117 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Crescita
♀ 32616
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's a tough one. If the group is pretty big, you are most likely going to find people you like, but then large groups also have large turnover, so the organizers are the ones you will be most exposed to if you keep going. I've actually left groups for this reason. One meetup shouldn't be too bad though, if you meet some people you like you can plan to attend only events they do, and if you don't see them signing up again, you have your answer.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3578 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
better4me
♀ 30341
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aw, c'mon on, go to the Meetup, multi date other Meetup groups. Take your time to figure out what fits best for you. Meetup #1 isn't going to get jealous if you decide you prefer Meetup #2. And going to the meet and greet at the restaurant with Meetup #1 doesn't mean you have to hang out with the Vegan/half marthoners unless you like them! You can call it a "MEAT and greet" in your head!

I have a saying that I like when I'm faced with something possible aggravating or vexing and part of me is saying...just skip it... "Try it once, if you don't like it, you don't have to do it again."

Anyway, welcome to the

IthinkIjustmightwanttostartdating pool.


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:53
Divorced

Posts: 3266 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
nutmegkitty
♀ 33882
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what is it with all the vegans lately??? Is it the new, in, thing??

Kale isn't terrible but I do love chicken.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2624 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
ajsmom
♀ 17460
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK...I decided to attend. I got onto the group site and checked out who was all attending...it appears there are SOME meat eaters that will be there!

Will report back next week.

Gulp. Here I go!


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21117 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
lieshurt
♀ 14003
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She then goes on to invite us all to some sort of
(cough,cough) “seminar” several of the vendors from this expo are doing next week Tuesday to teach us all about VEGAN food, supplements and other goodies for those of us who “want/desire to get healthy.”

I'd go just because I find this stuff fascinating. However, I'd probably have some beef jerky in my purse just in case I got hungry during the presentations


A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere.

Posts: 13880 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Kajem
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^I'd be sitting next to Lieshurt.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5744 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
MovingUpward
♂ 14866
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(cough,cough) “seminar” several of the vendors from this expo are doing next week Tuesday to teach us all about VEGAN food, supplements and other goodies for those of us who “want/desire to get healthy.”

Be sure to interject often on how bacon makes it better.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 53327 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Amazonia
♀ 32810
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just because they ran a marathon and some of them may be vegan doesn't mean they are going to try and brainwash you or that they are a cult.

It sounds like one activity that they did. and like the vegan thing may be new to many of them. It may be even be that some of them were genuinely surprise at how good vegan food can be. (I know I have a lot of friends who are shocked to hear how little meat I eat, and even more shocked to learn that I am still a wonderful cook with a wide repertoire of recipes that don't include meat - I don't have anything against it, and am definitely not veg or vegan, I just really like vegetables!)

None of my friends share all of my hobbies, and I don't share all of any of their hobbies.

IMO nothing in this scenario has changed so much that it should affect your decision to try the group out once and see whether you like it.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 10:32 AM, July 12th (Friday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13933 | Registered: Jul 2011
persevere
♀ 31468
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Be sure to interject often on how bacon makes it better.


Can't wait to hear the update ajsmom!!


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4714 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Snapdragon
♀ 4286
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, July 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Next thing you know you'll be invited to a Tupperware party! Sounds like someone is using the group for their own sales path.

Ignore it and go.


Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink


Posts: 3095 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
ajsmom
♀ 17460
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, that was interesting. I doubt this is the group for me as it has a very disorganized organizer. Which surprised me because she describes herself as a “professional party planner.”

In addition to her advertising that there would be happy hour drink specials and half priced appetizers for our group (SURPRISE!!!...not until 4 p.m. even though we met at 1:30), she did absolutely nothing to engage people to mingle. We were all seated on a very narrow patio with no room to get up or walk around. She regaled us with story upon story of her own Meetup adventures, including some petty bashing about another larger group her XSO runs. Finally a Meetup vet (more on him later) stepped up to the plate and at least got everyone to introduce themselves around the table by giving our name and what we’d like to see for future meetings. Funny thing is, the organizer didn’t write any of them down. I walked away feeling like she is circling the events around things she likes to do and if anyone else likes them, so be it! For example, next Saturday, there is a one-night camping trip some 200 miles away. LOLZ. Only she and two other guys are signed up for it.

There was one guy who didn’t say a thing. Not a word. He just sat there and pounded Corona’s and as new people that came in asked his name, he’d almost defiantly shout “ANDY!.” Another woman repeated everything anyone said. EVERYTHING. Another woman drank water the entire time, hardly spoke but did manage to mention that she was a widow, she’s from NY, her parents are both deceased and she hasn’t seen her only sibling in ten years. The Meetup vet that tried to step in to help had two Gin & Tonics and a Bloody Mary by the time I finished one beer.

Other than that, going forward there isn’t really much that appeals to me, though the group members had some good ideas!

I’m not going to give up. I think I’ll just find another group.


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21117 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did a meetup a couple of years ago. Got buttonholed by a sad sack separated guy who was still gutted by the fact that his ex had run off with her holemate.

That was so much fun I didn't go back.

May be time to try again, although meetups in this town are either completely coupled up or populated by vociferous cougars who like to get dolled up to the max and troll for action, which is so not my scene.

Maybe I need to start one for casual non-Spandex cyclists who like to have happy hour from a flask in the park.....

[This message edited by FaithFool at 10:34 AM, July 15th (Monday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17791 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
ajsmom
♀ 17460
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, FF. There's a bit of that going on here. It's obvious she wants to build a bigger, better group than her X has.

ETA: I knew I was in trouble when she mentioned at one time she had 30 parrots as pets. Yes, that's 3 ZERO!

[This message edited by ajsmom at 10:36 AM, July 15th (Monday)]


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21117 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
KLinNoCA
♀ 22195
Member # 22195
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I first starting getting back into the "social scene" (not dating but not wanting to be a hermit), I joined a group out here in No. CA called ELife Adventures-- it was a group of really great people who,loved doing the same things I did (hiking, camping, wine tasting, etc.). I met some really good people through this organization and have some some really fun trips......actually, all of the camping trips I had been on were great with the exception of one. The one and only trip I hated was a 4x4 camping trip I went on where the guys were all sitting around the campfire farting and laughing about it. yep, grown ass men acting like idiots and re-creating the Blazing Saddles campfire fart scene for the rest of us.. And no alcohol was involved..so other than that trip, I have had great times with the ELife group! Maybe see if you have one near you? Good luck!


BS (me):45
STBXH:53
M 13 years, together 15yrs
4 kids (2 mine, 2 ours)
1st D-day:July 17, 2008
2nd D-Day: Nov. 20, 2008
MOW, as well as a former BFF OW--I was in an "open marriage", I just never got the memo.
Divorced his ass!!

Posts: 1203 | Registered: Dec 2008
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had several false starts with meetup groups before I found my hiking group in Phoenix; I'm still a member even though I live in TX and am moving to NY

The first group was mostly older women (many older than I ) who sat around-at a manicures & martinis event-and bashed everyone in the group who did not show up that evening. I wound up paying for everyone's evening due to a less than honest server ; I guess she pocketed everyone else's cash as her tip (and stupidly I did not check my bank for about a week afterward.) Never went back.

I also had a false start with a hiking group that had a clique the signed each other up for hikes and blocked out everyone else.

Like dating it takes several (many?) tries to find the right one.


Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the tylenol?

Posts: 20557 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
persevere
♀ 31468
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So it was a vegan and alcohol meet with a side of bitterness?


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4714 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
ajsmom
♀ 17460
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21117 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
LearningToRun
♀ 31353
Member # 31353
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've had good luck with meetups, but i did try out several - and continue to look for new ones. I'd check out her XSO's if i were you :)

Posts: 347 | Registered: Feb 2011
burnt_toast
♀ 16891
Member # 16891
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ETA: I knew I was in trouble when she mentioned at one time she had 30 parrots as pets. Yes, that's 3 ZERO!


I may have not gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams

Posts: 4780 | Registered: Nov 2007
Topic Posts: 23
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
adultry
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.