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Meetup - Bait & Switch?

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ajsmom posted 7/11/2013 16:52 PM

As a result of my four day staycation sabbatical over the 4th of July holiday last weekend in which I dissected my entire life, I decided that I would get myself out there to meet some new people and – shudder the thought – actually dip my toe into the IthinkIjustmightwanttostartdating pool.

In order to cast the widest net, I carefully viewed some of the Meetup choices in my neck of the woods and came upon one that seemed to be pretty laid back with some interesting events planned for singles over 45. It looks like they do one or two active outdoorsy things a month with a good splattering of restaurant and happy hour meet ‘n greets as well as some live music events with local popular cover bands I like.

I did the sign up and was welcomed into the group right away, which was great because they have a meet ‘n greet coming up this Sunday at a really nice lakefront restaurant from which I know the owners well. I figured what the heck, I’d give that a try and worst case scenario, I’d let them know I don’t exactly feel a “connection” to them.

See, I have learned something here after all!

Today I get an email from one of the organizers (whom, by the way actually started a sentence with “Anyway”…grrr) in which she mentions the HALF MARATHON she and a couple of folks ran in a few weeks back and after the race how much they enjoyed the VEGAN food at the after-race expo. She then goes on to invite us all to some sort of (cough,cough) “seminar” several of the vendors from this expo are doing next week Tuesday to teach us all about VEGAN food, supplements and other goodies for those of us who “want/desire to get healthy.”

Good gravy, Miss Mably, now I’m not so sure these folks are what I need right now, because, dammit – I LIKE MEAT!!! Additionally, I’m all for fitness, but have absolutely NO desire to run even an eighth of a marathon and if I have to stand around in a meet ‘n greet eating tofu encrusted kale, well, I think I might actually die.

So, what to do? Buck it up and go meet these freaks, urrrr…I mean folks, or find another group? Argh.

AJ's MOM

[This message edited by ajsmom at 4:53 PM, July 11th (Thursday)]

Crescita posted 7/11/2013 17:11 PM

That's a tough one. If the group is pretty big, you are most likely going to find people you like, but then large groups also have large turnover, so the organizers are the ones you will be most exposed to if you keep going. I've actually left groups for this reason. One meetup shouldn't be too bad though, if you meet some people you like you can plan to attend only events they do, and if you don't see them signing up again, you have your answer.

better4me posted 7/11/2013 18:03 PM

Aw, c'mon on, go to the Meetup, multi date other Meetup groups. Take your time to figure out what fits best for you. Meetup #1 isn't going to get jealous if you decide you prefer Meetup #2. And going to the meet and greet at the restaurant with Meetup #1 doesn't mean you have to hang out with the Vegan/half marthoners unless you like them! You can call it a "MEAT and greet" in your head!

I have a saying that I like when I'm faced with something possible aggravating or vexing and part of me is saying...just skip it... "Try it once, if you don't like it, you don't have to do it again."

Anyway, welcome to the

IthinkIjustmightwanttostartdating pool.

nutmegkitty posted 7/11/2013 19:18 PM

what is it with all the vegans lately??? Is it the new, in, thing??

Kale isn't terrible but I do love chicken.

ajsmom posted 7/12/2013 09:02 AM

OK...I decided to attend. I got onto the group site and checked out who was all attending...it appears there are SOME meat eaters that will be there!

Will report back next week.

Gulp. Here I go!

lieshurt posted 7/12/2013 09:54 AM

She then goes on to invite us all to some sort of

(cough,cough) “seminar” several of the vendors from this expo are doing next week Tuesday to teach us all about VEGAN food, supplements and other goodies for those of us who “want/desire to get healthy.”

I'd go just because I find this stuff fascinating. However, I'd probably have some beef jerky in my purse just in case I got hungry during the presentations

Kajem posted 7/12/2013 10:11 AM

^^^^I'd be sitting next to Lieshurt.

MovingUpward posted 7/12/2013 10:26 AM

(cough,cough) “seminar” several of the vendors from this expo are doing next week Tuesday to teach us all about VEGAN food, supplements and other goodies for those of us who “want/desire to get healthy.”

Be sure to interject often on how bacon makes it better.

Amazonia posted 7/12/2013 10:32 AM

Just because they ran a marathon and some of them may be vegan doesn't mean they are going to try and brainwash you or that they are a cult.

It sounds like one activity that they did. and like the vegan thing may be new to many of them. It may be even be that some of them were genuinely surprise at how good vegan food can be. (I know I have a lot of friends who are shocked to hear how little meat I eat, and even more shocked to learn that I am still a wonderful cook with a wide repertoire of recipes that don't include meat - I don't have anything against it, and am definitely not veg or vegan, I just really like vegetables!)

None of my friends share all of my hobbies, and I don't share all of any of their hobbies.

IMO nothing in this scenario has changed so much that it should affect your decision to try the group out once and see whether you like it.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 10:32 AM, July 12th (Friday)]

persevere posted 7/12/2013 22:24 PM

Be sure to interject often on how bacon makes it better.


Can't wait to hear the update ajsmom!!

Snapdragon posted 7/13/2013 17:23 PM

Next thing you know you'll be invited to a Tupperware party! Sounds like someone is using the group for their own sales path.

Ignore it and go.

ajsmom posted 7/15/2013 10:23 AM

Well, that was interesting. I doubt this is the group for me as it has a very disorganized organizer. Which surprised me because she describes herself as a “professional party planner.”

In addition to her advertising that there would be happy hour drink specials and half priced appetizers for our group (SURPRISE!!!...not until 4 p.m. even though we met at 1:30), she did absolutely nothing to engage people to mingle. We were all seated on a very narrow patio with no room to get up or walk around. She regaled us with story upon story of her own Meetup adventures, including some petty bashing about another larger group her XSO runs. Finally a Meetup vet (more on him later) stepped up to the plate and at least got everyone to introduce themselves around the table by giving our name and what we’d like to see for future meetings. Funny thing is, the organizer didn’t write any of them down. I walked away feeling like she is circling the events around things she likes to do and if anyone else likes them, so be it! For example, next Saturday, there is a one-night camping trip some 200 miles away. LOLZ. Only she and two other guys are signed up for it.

There was one guy who didn’t say a thing. Not a word. He just sat there and pounded Corona’s and as new people that came in asked his name, he’d almost defiantly shout “ANDY!.” Another woman repeated everything anyone said. EVERYTHING. Another woman drank water the entire time, hardly spoke but did manage to mention that she was a widow, she’s from NY, her parents are both deceased and she hasn’t seen her only sibling in ten years. The Meetup vet that tried to step in to help had two Gin & Tonics and a Bloody Mary by the time I finished one beer.

Other than that, going forward there isn’t really much that appeals to me, though the group members had some good ideas!

I’m not going to give up. I think I’ll just find another group.

FaithFool posted 7/15/2013 10:29 AM

I did a meetup a couple of years ago. Got buttonholed by a sad sack separated guy who was still gutted by the fact that his ex had run off with her holemate.

That was so much fun I didn't go back.

May be time to try again, although meetups in this town are either completely coupled up or populated by vociferous cougars who like to get dolled up to the max and troll for action, which is so not my scene.

Maybe I need to start one for casual non-Spandex cyclists who like to have happy hour from a flask in the park.....

[This message edited by FaithFool at 10:34 AM, July 15th (Monday)]

ajsmom posted 7/15/2013 10:35 AM

I agree, FF. There's a bit of that going on here. It's obvious she wants to build a bigger, better group than her X has.

ETA: I knew I was in trouble when she mentioned at one time she had 30 parrots as pets. Yes, that's 3 ZERO!

[This message edited by ajsmom at 10:36 AM, July 15th (Monday)]

KLinNoCA posted 7/15/2013 13:20 PM

When I first starting getting back into the "social scene" (not dating but not wanting to be a hermit), I joined a group out here in No. CA called ELife Adventures-- it was a group of really great people who,loved doing the same things I did (hiking, camping, wine tasting, etc.). I met some really good people through this organization and have some some really fun trips......actually, all of the camping trips I had been on were great with the exception of one. The one and only trip I hated was a 4x4 camping trip I went on where the guys were all sitting around the campfire farting and laughing about it. yep, grown ass men acting like idiots and re-creating the Blazing Saddles campfire fart scene for the rest of us.. And no alcohol was involved..so other than that trip, I have had great times with the ELife group! Maybe see if you have one near you? Good luck!

Sad in AZ posted 7/15/2013 18:44 PM

I had several false starts with meetup groups before I found my hiking group in Phoenix; I'm still a member even though I live in TX and am moving to NY

The first group was mostly older women (many older than I ) who sat around-at a manicures & martinis event-and bashed everyone in the group who did not show up that evening. I wound up paying for everyone's evening due to a less than honest server ; I guess she pocketed everyone else's cash as her tip (and stupidly I did not check my bank for about a week afterward.) Never went back.

I also had a false start with a hiking group that had a clique the signed each other up for hikes and blocked out everyone else.

Like dating it takes several (many?) tries to find the right one.

persevere posted 7/15/2013 23:58 PM

So it was a vegan and alcohol meet with a side of bitterness?

ajsmom posted 7/16/2013 08:30 AM

LearningToRun posted 7/16/2013 10:09 AM

I've had good luck with meetups, but i did try out several - and continue to look for new ones. I'd check out her XSO's if i were you :)

burnt_toast posted 7/16/2013 19:45 PM

ETA: I knew I was in trouble when she mentioned at one time she had 30 parrots as pets. Yes, that's 3 ZERO!

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