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LearningToFly (original poster member #39073) posted at 3:07 AM on Friday, July 12th, 2013
WH claims that he didn't do more than kiss the OW. Most of their affair was emotional but they did meet twice and talked about sex a lot. I told H I wanted him to get tested. He went to the doctor and was tested for some things with a blood test. He didn't get tested for herpes or HPV. I am not sure what else is out there now since he is the only man I have ever been with. How do you make sure you are safe from STDs. What other things need to be tested for just incase he is lying to me again.
Me - BS (53) Him-WS(58)
Her OW(55) HighSchoolGirlfriend
Together 30 years Married 28 Kids 24,21,18
D day Feb 26 2013 after 20 months
D day March 4 they met again "to say goodbye"
D day April 2 found out about secret email
June 2017 F
anewday78 ( member #39357) posted at 3:16 AM on Friday, July 12th, 2013
I think it's actually quite difficult for men to be tested for hpv and herpes. Often men can carry the viruses without ever demonstrating any symptoms. Unfortunately, more often than not, the only way to really detect it is during a full-blown outbreak. You could ask your doctor to test you for hpv. If the test comes back negative, ask about the Guardisil (spelling?) Vaccine. In the meantime, do not have sex with him ESPECIALLY without a condom. Abstaining would be your best bet for now as even condoms can't guarantee protection from herpes and hpv.
mysticpenguin ( member #38839) posted at 3:20 AM on Friday, July 12th, 2013
Men cannot be tested for HPV and it is impossible to reliably test for herpes unless an active outbreak is occurring. Women can be tested for HPV but it is not part of a routine STD test so you will have to request it. It is very important to test for HPV as the virus is incredibly common and can cause cervical cancer.
Sexual transmission is also a great way to spread yeast infections, the common cold, etc etc.
Gently.... he says it was "just a kiss" but tell me... who would risk their marriage for one kiss? Why not go all the way? :(
So sorry for your pain :(
JustWow ( member #19636) posted at 3:46 AM on Friday, July 12th, 2013
Herpes antibodies can be detected in a blood test - he need NOT have active lesions to be tested.
H tested positive in a blood test thanks to his subhuman petri dish of an OW.
[This message edited by JustWow at 9:47 PM, July 11th (Thursday)]
BW - Reconciling
edited for typos (I always have to!)
Thingsfellapart ( new member #39351) posted at 4:32 AM on Friday, July 12th, 2013
I don't think that a blood test in men checks for gonorrhea and chlamydia either. I think that the most reliable method for these tests in men is a swab test which most men don't like. My WH went to the doctor and asked for a full panel of STD tests. The male doc only ordered a blood test. When he called and asked why he didn't get tested for gonorrhea and chlamydia (when I asked him to see the results I didn't see those listed), he called the doc and the doc said "you didn't have symptoms." WTH?!? Thankfully, I had gone and underwent my own testing and all came back negative.
The best advice I can give is to go get tested yourself. It will give you peace of mind.
Sorry you're going through this. I know how much it hurts.
Me: 33
WS: 38
D-Day 1: July 20, 2009
D-Day 2: May 9, 2013
painpaingoaway ( member #27196) posted at 4:41 AM on Friday, July 12th, 2013
LTF,
Go to pg 10 of the Betrayed spouses with STDs thread in the I Can Relate forum. I posted some charts from the CDC there a few weeks ago. I'll bump the thread to the top for you.
D-Day June 2009
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk
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