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180 question

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myperfectlife posted 7/11/2013 21:34 PM

WS and I spoke a lot today and I gave him conditions for working on our marriage. He balked and in a round about way said he didn't think he could do it/wouldn't work/wasn't willing to commit without a guarantee it would work (I would not give him one).
He irately told me several times to go ahead and divorce him, then asked me not to leave when I got up to go (several times).
Finally he calmed down and after us both admitting we weren't in love and maybe hadn't been for a year or so (and he had an affair and admits he still loves OW) he said he thinks that divorce is the best option. I told him I thought so too and that it would be better that way.
We talked about custody,financials and I said I would email the lawyer.
We parted peacefully although I could tell he was upset.
I left to go to a friends and he texted me several times. I told him my phone was dying *it was* and he said he wanted to "clarify some things" that he would give me space (one condition I wouldn't budge on if we were to R)...and could he please talk to me tomorrow.
I agreed to that.
Should I give him a time limit or something? I can't handle talking in circles for hours and hours again. I feel like we've said all the same things. He still loves her, and I am no longer in love with him.
I know I am simplifying the situation...you can read "get me off this crazy thing" in JFO to get a bigger picture.
Any advice welcome...I thought we'd come to a stopping point but is there ever one?

Take2 posted 7/11/2013 22:17 PM

Not sure where the 180 question was, though this does sound like a reaction to you letting go. More accurately it sounds like he doesn't want to do the work or take the responsibility of R... bu--ut he isn't sure what he has waiting on the side is better... That kind of thing ends when you say it ends.

myperfectlife posted 7/11/2013 22:36 PM

Sorry...trying to practice 180 and he has asked to talk.
I just don't feel I can go for hours as we have been for the past 3 months.
But you're right,it ends when I end it.

tennispro posted 7/12/2013 06:08 AM

Hi,
I feel in a similar situation to you. My WS says he cares about the OW and I wasn't all that surprised given that I don't think he and I are really in love anymore.
It makes this all the more complicated. I actually don't want to reconcile b/c I think we haven't been in love for a long time now. It's like two people raising children together. I'm still crushed and destroyed b/c we still had our intimacy and that was OURS and he cheated and lied and we had a 16yr commitment. Anyway, I won't do the 180 or ask anything of him. I would like the "talk" about how we're going to end this easily and the least painful for the kids. I'm sorry I don't have any real advice. Just, think about your long-term. There is love out there for you and you deserve it. I'm 44 yrs old and I know I could find happiness with someone else...or at least not be treated this way by someone I thought at least cared for and about me. Take care.

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