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changedforlife posted 7/11/2013 21:46 PM

I'm not sure what to title this one. I was thinking "Another Low for my Self Esteem" but it isn't about what I think of myself. It's about what my WH thinks of me. Maybe I shouldn't place too much importance on what he thinks about me but it does affect my self esteem. And it wasn't that great to begin with.

Anyway, tonight's issue is that I don't think my WH is physically attracted to me anymore. He used to tell me all the time that I was beautiful, sexy, etc. Unfortunately, I often rejected those compliments partly because of my low self esteem and partly because I was brought up to be humble. I am just average but hearing my WH say those things to me in the past really did mean a lot to me even if I couldn't say so.

He has also in the past been quick to initiate sex or accept it if I initiated. Unfortunately again, I wasn't always as willing and I didn't initiate often as "good girls" don't do that. But that had been getting better on my part however now I know that while I was becoming more open to sex, he was having his EA.

So, now I am noticing that my WH does not tell me that I am beautiful, sexy, etc. anymore. I told him several weeks ago that I missed that and I would like to hear it more but only if he meant it.

*crickets*

Still nothing from him after several weeks. I don't want to bring it up again and look like I am begging for a scrap of a compliment from him but as of now I can only assume that he just doesn't think that I am.

To top it off, tonight I tried to initiate sex but he said he was tired. OK, I get that. But he then continued to stay up and talk to 2 people by phone and watch the news before going to sleep.

I must be a troll.

The OW is prettier than I am in a way. She is usually madeup and has the money to get her hair done. I will put on some basic makeup and let my hair go naturally. But she is definitely bigger than I am. Even before I lost weight on the infidelity diet, I was still smaller than her. But she definitely has bigger boobs and mine have really disappeared with the weight loss.

So, tomorrow I have an appointment to get my hair cut and highlighted. First time for highlights! But I am doing it for me! I once mentioned doing it to WH and he said he thought coloring your hair looked fake.(HELLO, OW bimbo is not a REAL blonde! ) Anyway, I will be paying attention to see what he says when he sees it. And we have a MC session coming up next week and I plan on bringing up the issue there. I haven't decided what I will do if he says that he doesn't find me attractive anymore.

PinkJeepLady posted 7/11/2013 22:33 PM

Oh honey! I am so sorry you are feeling low tonight.
I am very glad to hear you looking forward to your hair appointment, I think that's exactly what you need. Keep taking care of yourself!
I know it's hard, somedays I think about covering up the mirror. I am shocked at how infidelity affects a persons self esteem, who knew?
Sadly we do know now,don't we?
Keep doing things that make you feel beautiful! Hopefully, your WH will realize what you need to hear and ACT!
Enjoy yourself tomorrow! Highlights are really fun!

RightTrack posted 7/11/2013 22:35 PM

Good for you getting your hair cut and for speaking up for yourself. Who knows what your WH is thinking? Maybe he is depressed. He should be! I hope the MC is helpful for you both.

TwoHearts posted 7/12/2013 02:29 AM

I told him several weeks ago that I missed that and I would like to hear it more but only if he meant it.

*crickets*

OK I am sorry but that gave me a smile that I really needed tonight. "Crickets" is a perfect description of my M post Dday. Just never seen it described quite so well. Thanks CFL.

With your wit and personality here you have nothing to worry about, unless you start believing that you are as low as you feel. The OW cannot be prettier than you. She is broken enough to get involved with a MM and does not hold a candle to you. Hold you head up and don't ever let them see you sweat babe.

anewday78 posted 7/12/2013 06:25 AM

I think a makeover is some of the best medicine after an affair. It's hard not to feel unattractive after an affair because you've essentially experienced the worst kind of rejection. Make sure you remember this - your new look and all the effort you put into it is for and about YOU, not HIM.

changedforlife posted 7/12/2013 08:10 AM

Thanks for the responses. I have been feeling more depressed lately so things are probably bothering me more than they should.

I actually wish I was more "high maintenance" than I am.
It's more out of necessity that I wear little makeup and wear my hair natural. As a SAHM, time and money are in short supply. If I had the money though...

TwoHearts - I can't take credit for "crickets". It's something I read on here and like you, thought it was a perfect description. And I'm glad that it gave you a smile!
I will say that I do have a great personality and sense of humor, so thank you.(Man, it feels weird to say that about myself.) I have been feeling so down about everything that I have forgotten that about myself. Time to start a morning mantra!

Thanks again everyone! I am feeling a little better this morning. Just have to keep the positive energy going!

Getting to Happy posted 7/12/2013 10:08 AM

The OW cannot be prettier than you. She is broken enough to get involved with a MM and does not hold a candle to you. Hold you head up and don't ever let them see you sweat babe.

TRUTH^^^Love your quote Two Hearts, my sentiments exactly.

Infidelity shakes folks to their core, demands alot of soul searching because your foundation has been rocked, hell, blown up!

We BS go really deep, ZEN to understand and negotiate the aftermath...cliche's become more relevant. "Beauty is only skin deep" comes to mind.

Any pretty woman that goes for a MM is just a dumb box of rocks with high heels! Because it really does not matter how she looks.

Please don't lower yourself to compare yourself to a box of rocks in Jimmy Choo's!

On closer inspection it's your WH brokeness. He has poor coping skills and questionable boundaries.

Honoring your marriage with fidelity and love is a precious gift that you have given to your WH. Shame on him for squandering that gift!

I know of what I speak, I am a Pro Makeup Artist by trade. I see them all the time. Pretty vapid girls. Their mothers never told them "Your manners will open more doors than pretty any day". And here's one "Beauty Fades"!

Natural hair is a blessing! A few highlight are fun! Natural makeup is even more proof that your are beautiful, not many people can swing "natural".

My only makeup is a set of tweezers and my hair is wash and wear! I use nice lotion and a bit of .05% fruit acid for my face daily. No Makeup for me, I know what in that stuff!!!

Your beautiful on the inside and that is what counts at the end of the day.

Enjoy your cut and color, and throw in a mani-pedi. There is nothing like cute toes with a french tip!