I'm not sure what to title this one. I was thinking "Another Low for my Self Esteem" but it isn't about what I think of myself. It's about what my WH thinks of me. Maybe I shouldn't place too much importance on what he thinks about me but it does affect my self esteem. And it wasn't that great to begin with.
Anyway, tonight's issue is that I don't think my WH is physically attracted to me anymore. He used to tell me all the time that I was beautiful, sexy, etc. Unfortunately, I often rejected those compliments partly because of my low self esteem and partly because I was brought up to be humble. I am just average but hearing my WH say those things to me in the past really did mean a lot to me even if I couldn't say so.
He has also in the past been quick to initiate sex or accept it if I initiated. Unfortunately again, I wasn't always as willing and I didn't initiate often as "good girls" don't do that. But that had been getting better on my part however now I know that while I was becoming more open to sex, he was having his EA.
So, now I am noticing that my WH does not tell me that I am beautiful, sexy, etc. anymore. I told him several weeks ago that I missed that and I would like to hear it more but only if he meant it.
Still nothing from him after several weeks. I don't want to bring it up again and look like I am begging for a scrap of a compliment from him but as of now I can only assume that he just doesn't think that I am.
To top it off, tonight I tried to initiate sex but he said he was tired. OK, I get that. But he then continued to stay up and talk to 2 people by phone and watch the news before going to sleep.
I must be a troll.
The OW is prettier than I am in a way. She is usually madeup and has the money to get her hair done. I will put on some basic makeup and let my hair go naturally. But she is definitely bigger than I am. Even before I lost weight on the infidelity diet, I was still smaller than her. But she definitely has bigger boobs and mine have really disappeared with the weight loss.
So, tomorrow I have an appointment to get my hair cut and highlighted. First time for highlights! But I am doing it for me! I once mentioned doing it to WH and he said he thought coloring your hair looked fake.(HELLO, OW bimbo is not a REAL blonde! ) Anyway, I will be paying attention to see what he says when he sees it. And we have a MC session coming up next week and I plan on bringing up the issue there. I haven't decided what I will do if he says that he doesn't find me attractive anymore.