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Newest Member: Alone73 (46062)

User Topic: Feeling hollow
Nest2007
♀ 39532
Member # 39532
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's a month and two days since DDay, three days since the end of TT and I got full disclosure. I believe now that I have the truth, the whole truth... You know the drill.

But I just feel hollow. I have nothing left to give in social situations. The A consumes my thoughts yet it's something I cannot, will not talk about except with WH and our MC/my IC.

My family is visiting this weekend and I'm dreading the charade I'll have to put on for the next 24hrs.

When do I start to feel like me again?


BS 35
WS 31
DD, only child
DDay: 06/09/13
End of TT/Full Disclosure 07/08/13

Reconciling. A stronger marriage now.

Psalm 37. It rocks my world. So does 140. Big guy upstairs has got it all figured out.


Posts: 230 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Here and there...
mysticpenguin
♀ 38839
Member # 38839
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Nest :( I'm so sorry you're hurting.

TT is a killer. :(

I am 5 months out from D-Day and 2 months out from the whole enchilada (the delivery of a timeline) and am also having family visit this weekend and I am wondering the very same thing.

I have found my personality and joy and emotions, that took maybe a month after D Day. With each piece of new info I found myself in shock/numb for a few days, then breathtakingly sad, then angry, then calmer but still sad / low.

Is there someone in your family you can confide in? My mother-in-law and cousin (she's twice my age and wise) know and it's nice to know I'm not carrying this secret around on my own, you know?

One moment at a time. You can always say you're not feeling well (headache or ate something bad) to explain away a somber expression.


Betrayed

Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
Dare2Trust
♀ 21183
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 1:49 AM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nest,
Can I ask --
Why have you made the decision to not disclose your WH's affair to any close friends or family members who could support you?

You did nothing wrong. It's not your dirty-little-secret. So, why should you be denied the love and support you need?

It may be awhile before you're feeling "like yourself again." You just received full disclosure 3 days ago: SO, mentally and emotionally - this is almost like "another D-Day."

It's almost like a shock wave, when our cheating spouses hit us with TT, It sort of cranks us back to ZERO; and we have to start all over again; dealing with the NEW TRUTHS of the affair.

I'm so sorry for the pain and turmoil you're going through. It does get better...but it takes time: LOTS MORE TIME than a month and 3 days.
It's great your have a MC/IC you to help you.


Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.


Posts: 6198 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
Nest2007
♀ 39532
Member # 39532
Default  Posted: 1:55 AM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know I did nothing wrong, but my choice for recovery is not to alter my friends' and family's perception of WH and our marriage. Revelation of the A would irrevocably change that and I am not prepared to do that. This is a decision I made and I am comfortable with - WH even offered to confess all to whoever I deemed necessary. I chose not to make him do that.

One close friend out of state knows. That's it.


BS 35
WS 31
DD, only child
DDay: 06/09/13
End of TT/Full Disclosure 07/08/13

Reconciling. A stronger marriage now.

Psalm 37. It rocks my world. So does 140. Big guy upstairs has got it all figured out.


Posts: 230 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Here and there...
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dont put on the a charade, let them know that you are having a hard time with life in general now, and that you prefer not to share or discuss. Apologize for not being yourself, but ask for the respect and support you deserve.

(((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8901 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Nest2007
♀ 39532
Member # 39532
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks tushnurse, that's a great approach - gives reasons without giving THE reason. Much appreciated...


BS 35
WS 31
DD, only child
DDay: 06/09/13
End of TT/Full Disclosure 07/08/13

Reconciling. A stronger marriage now.

Psalm 37. It rocks my world. So does 140. Big guy upstairs has got it all figured out.


Posts: 230 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Here and there...
Topic Posts: 6

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