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Nest2007 posted 7/11/2013 23:24 PM

It's a month and two days since DDay, three days since the end of TT and I got full disclosure. I believe now that I have the truth, the whole truth... You know the drill.

But I just feel hollow. I have nothing left to give in social situations. The A consumes my thoughts yet it's something I cannot, will not talk about except with WH and our MC/my IC.

My family is visiting this weekend and I'm dreading the charade I'll have to put on for the next 24hrs.

When do I start to feel like me again?

mysticpenguin posted 7/11/2013 23:36 PM

Oh Nest :( I'm so sorry you're hurting.

TT is a killer. :(

I am 5 months out from D-Day and 2 months out from the whole enchilada (the delivery of a timeline) and am also having family visit this weekend and I am wondering the very same thing.

I have found my personality and joy and emotions, that took maybe a month after D Day. With each piece of new info I found myself in shock/numb for a few days, then breathtakingly sad, then angry, then calmer but still sad / low.

Is there someone in your family you can confide in? My mother-in-law and cousin (she's twice my age and wise) know and it's nice to know I'm not carrying this secret around on my own, you know?

One moment at a time. You can always say you're not feeling well (headache or ate something bad) to explain away a somber expression.

Dare2Trust posted 7/12/2013 01:49 AM

Nest,
Can I ask --
Why have you made the decision to not disclose your WH's affair to any close friends or family members who could support you?

You did nothing wrong. It's not your dirty-little-secret. So, why should you be denied the love and support you need?

It may be awhile before you're feeling "like yourself again." You just received full disclosure 3 days ago: SO, mentally and emotionally - this is almost like "another D-Day."

It's almost like a shock wave, when our cheating spouses hit us with TT, It sort of cranks us back to ZERO; and we have to start all over again; dealing with the NEW TRUTHS of the affair.

I'm so sorry for the pain and turmoil you're going through. It does get better...but it takes time: LOTS MORE TIME than a month and 3 days.
It's great your have a MC/IC you to help you.

Nest2007 posted 7/12/2013 01:55 AM

I know I did nothing wrong, but my choice for recovery is not to alter my friends' and family's perception of WH and our marriage. Revelation of the A would irrevocably change that and I am not prepared to do that. This is a decision I made and I am comfortable with - WH even offered to confess all to whoever I deemed necessary. I chose not to make him do that.

One close friend out of state knows. That's it.

tushnurse posted 7/12/2013 07:51 AM

Dont put on the a charade, let them know that you are having a hard time with life in general now, and that you prefer not to share or discuss. Apologize for not being yourself, but ask for the respect and support you deserve.

(((and strength)))

Nest2007 posted 7/12/2013 19:29 PM

Thanks tushnurse, that's a great approach - gives reasons without giving THE reason. Much appreciated...