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General :
another BS where WH works

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 wifeno2 (original poster member #31529) posted at 12:27 PM on Friday, July 12th, 2013

Yet another officer had an A with one of the analysts. Now that analyst has attempted suicide and apparently this is how the A was discovered. I'm not even sure how many officers have now been caught cheating but I know that many of them have been with the same few analysts. WH gets so mad at me when I tell him I believe the work environment isn't marriage safe. That for whatever reason that particular area he works in the culture has somehow allowed, fostered or encouraged infidelity. (He says I am saying that the department is "bad" and not doing good work. Gotta love black and white thinking)

I wish I knew the wife better. I have met her, she is sweet and beautiful. The analyst was definitely an affair down. I am actually better acquainted with the WH. And I am very surprised that he would cheat on his wife. I hope that they find SI-especially the BW.

Me-BW (45)
Him-WS (42)
DS 19 (prior relationship)
DS-8
DDay #1- 10/22/2010 EA/PA with MOW coworker
Dday#2:11/17/2010 beginning secret emails with potential OW#2
DDay #3 11/22/2010 still seeing OW#1
Too many DD's to count: Now up to OW #6.

posts: 696   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2011   ·   location: the south
id 6405586
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silverhopes ( member #32753) posted at 6:42 PM on Friday, July 12th, 2013

He says I am saying that the department is "bad" and not doing good work. Gotta love black and white thinking

Hmm. Well considering that instead of working they're having affairs...? Sounds like a lot of people in his department have really crap boundaries. Work is not for dating prospects, especially if you have a family at home. While it's the individuals' responsibilities to have better boundaries, the HR department could sure try harder to discourage this kind of thing. Even if it's from a technically "work productivity" perspective rather than a personal one.

Aut viam inveniam aut faciam.

posts: 5270   ·   registered: Jul. 12th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6406049
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Lovedyoumore ( member #35593) posted at 7:09 PM on Friday, July 12th, 2013

HR departments that require signed acknowledgements that the anti fraternization rules are known and understood still have employees that date and cheat with each other. Why would a cheater who ignores a vow to a spouse before God even care what HR requires?

The work place has always been the hot bed of cheating. But, with the everything goes, do what feels good generation, boundaries are nearly non existent. Now the non cheating, strong boundary people are considered freaks or are being controlled by a non trusting spouse. How many men are taunted by a future OW that a refusal to have an innocent lunch means the H is being controlled by an suspicious wife?

It does not matter where you work, even in a church. Infidelity is only a yes away.

Me 50's
WH 50's
Married 30+ years
2 young adult children
OW single 20 years younger
Together trying to R

Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose

posts: 3626   ·   registered: May. 15th, 2012   ·   location: Southern, bless your heart
id 6406073
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silverhopes ( member #32753) posted at 7:14 PM on Friday, July 12th, 2013

True, HR couldn't prevent affairs. People will poor boundaries will have them no matter where they go. But maybe HR could frown on them more explicitly. Even if it doesn't prevent affairs, it sort of diffuses the "anything goes" environment that some workplaces can promote.

Aut viam inveniam aut faciam.

posts: 5270   ·   registered: Jul. 12th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6406082
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confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 7:17 PM on Friday, July 12th, 2013

Maybe you could call her and recommend SI?

BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10



..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


posts: 15220   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2011
id 6406088
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 wifeno2 (original poster member #31529) posted at 10:25 PM on Friday, July 12th, 2013

I don't want to call her because I don't know her. But I did send a message very indirectly.

And I agree that A's happen everywhere. And work is a hotbed. But I do wish the culture there would be a little less tolerant...And that takes more than just leadership, it would have to be a change among all the officers, admin staff etc.

Me-BW (45)
Him-WS (42)
DS 19 (prior relationship)
DS-8
DDay #1- 10/22/2010 EA/PA with MOW coworker
Dday#2:11/17/2010 beginning secret emails with potential OW#2
DDay #3 11/22/2010 still seeing OW#1
Too many DD's to count: Now up to OW #6.

posts: 696   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2011   ·   location: the south
id 6406309
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