his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
but in a different way. I realized this at IC yesterday. We talked about how I feel powerless to make any big decisions regarding spending money or making a big purchase. Certainly these things should be discussed in a marriage.
For instance, we have all sorts of junk metal in our backyard that hubby won't throw away because he doesnt' have a truck. We could call someone to haul it away but I'm afraid to do this for fear he'll get angry that I spent money to do this.
We have dead trees and branches that need to be cut back and I need to hire someone to do this - hubby said he'd get at it with a hacksaw or borrow the neighbors chainsaw but he never does. So, I should just hire it done. But I'm afraid to.
This is not a good dynamic. I talked to him about things like this yesterday and I think I'm imagining what will happen if I go ahead, that he'll get mad. when I talked to him about this he said he wouldn't. He agreed that it needed to be done. So, I'm avoiding these unpleasant conversations and letting resentment build. Thus, conflict avoiding at it's best.
We talked in IC how we're going to work on getting my power back and not being afraid of spending money that is rightfully mine as well.
My husband is frugal. I get that and it is his right. But sometimes I am not, although I'm fiscally responsible. This powerless feeling goes back to the beginning of our marriage. I need to be an adult in this marriage and ask for what I need and what I want my life to look like. I deserve that. He deserves someone telling him what they need and not letting it fester - like I have done in the past. It's dishonest, actually. I want to be authentic and have my life reflect that.
does this make sense to anyone else?
[This message edited by rachelc at 8:00 AM, July 12th (Friday)]
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
“Relax, everything’s out of control” – Adi Da Samraj