Just wanted to let my readers know where I am at. Thank you all for your support, I know there are lot of you out there that think that I am being too reasonable, too quick to reconcile and perhaps too forgiving. Trust me, I still question myself if I did all those things too quickly.
We are definitely not out of the woods yet. I can see the road though ...
It's okay to tread carefully down whatever path you see fit. Don't worry about if people are "judging" you for being "too forgiving."
We all have our own experience and outlooks and we use them to try and help others, but at the end of the day you know in your heart what's best. We just want to help your "deep down" feelings guide you to the healthiest place possible.
I'm glad you can see that road. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. (And it's ok to hang onto doubts... you get to do that for as long as you need. )
[This message edited by Jrazz at 11:59 AM, July 12th (Friday)]
Me: BW 35
Crazz: WH 33
Daughter: 4.5 Going on 16
It is a long road to reconciliation I think. I'm not there but I'm VERY happy for you.
When you can look into husbands eyes & he back & you KNOW you don't see anything, I think it is OK to proceed with caution. The eyes tell the truth. Good for you both!
Infidelity makes me think of that old movie "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" If he is truly out of the fog, he reclaimed his life & mind. If he continues, he can reclaim integrity & self-respect. He owes you a lot. Good job!
So I am not making judgements. If he is getting it, and seeing what he did, and working hard to fix it great. If he is rugsweeping, and you are going along with it, because the pain is just too great, please guard your heart. He will hurt you again.
I wish you the best of luck, and biggest of strength.
It would be good to stockpile resources,have cash saved, and a solid plan in place should R crumble...
I have been advising my grown kids that they should work and hope for the best in M and life but be prepared for the worst..
He tells me "there is nothing else to tell". He has serious eyes, I have absolutely nothing to go by
You have his actions to go by, which just this week were screaming at you that he was still lying because he told you he would leave if you made him go through with the poly. Reread your posts, read them all, you'll see what his "actions" have been telling you. Then figure out what you "know" and what his eyes are "telling" you.
Keep asking yourself if you are living in a space you've created to feel safe, or if it's reality. Only you know the answer to that.
The more we talk, the more we cry and laugh together, the more I believe him.
Keep communicating. This is a great thing. Just remember that your gut will likely tell you more truth than his eyes ever could.