"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"
IC was yesterday late afternoon. I guess I was hoping to hear that I was being too demanding, that I wasn't hearing what he was telling me. It would be easier then I could change me.
IC is also our MC and h's new IC. He said that he thinks h still has not faced his actions. Wants to just do the easy stuff and move on.
I was shown that last night. I was feeling frustrated and a bit angry. Not screaming but not using my gentle tone of voice. He became defensive, refused to listen to me. I really wasn't being loud or abusive.
I was telling him how much it hurts when he tells me he is going to do something I ask for and that it never happens. That it hurts more than if he said nothing.
He says he is doing everything possible and it is me that will not accept it.
I have come to the conclusion that I would rather be alone and not feel like second choice or consolation prize.
I will give a bit more time. A few more sessions with new IC and reevaluate.
I am detaching and I am not even trying.
Going away for a couple of days alone and looking forward to it. Never felt this way before.
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
attempted R, it was all a lie