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Newest Member: Krissz (61514)

User Topic: How do you handle....
♀ 39217
Member # 39217
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you handle when you are having a "freaking out" day but can't pinpoint why? I recognize often why I am acting/reacting the way I am because of triggers, I am having a really bad day today crying off & on just overall upset about my whole situation/marriage/life but I cannot pinpoint any one thing that triggered this.

How can I try to fix it etc if I can't even figure out why it happened. although I am learning life doesn't work that way thanks to the cheating
This is hard, I am a fixer...I need logic & I take care of things/people & there is no logic to any of this & I can't fix it or me

Eta: Sorry so rambly

[This message edited by anv5 at 4:51 PM, July 12th (Friday)]

WH 29
1 Child
Married 11 yrs
D-Day: 4/9/13 he cheated in '08 & now + trickle truth & tons of lies 6/27 Found more, swears I really do have the whole truth now.
2/2/14 found out seems the TT never ends.
Trying to R

Posts: 71 | Registered: May 2013
♀ 38562
Member # 38562
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe you can set it aside for a bit and come back to it later? I know there are things we understand only upon reflection - that we are too close to them initially to see them clearly.

If you can just be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to "sit with" being tearful sometimes, I think the answer will come later.

Our minds are frequently busy beneath what is happening obviously. I have to believe you're processing some of the too-hard-to-face-now things underneath your everday functioning. And some of it hurts even when you're not aware it's there.

At least that's my guess.

"I edit, therefore I am." -BionicGal

Posts: 527 | Registered: Feb 2013
♀ 25898
Member # 25898
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I so get what you are saying about being a fixer and wanting a logical solution. The problem is that there is no logic to infidelity - and you can't un-do the past. Since you registered fairly recently I'm thinking that DDay was also fairly recent? I think I had overwhelming emotional outbursts into year 2 (not trying to be depressing - hope you cope better than me!)
Bottom line - you've been swept into a new kind of hell, and sometimes the waves are of tsunami proportions. Give yourself some slack and try to be good to yourself one day at a time.

Me - 63
WH - 71
Married 40 years
DDay - 5/14/09
He's reconciled, I'm in limbo.
"Stuck in the middle with you"

Posts: 200 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Rocky Mountains
♀ 35624
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You won't always be able to pinpoint exactly what you are feeling this early on. Too many emotions running. In those early stages, I mainly just let the feelings come, cried when I wanted to, and eventually over time, I was able to separate the feelings more easily into anger, full-on rage, sadness, apathy...which helps you find which exact trigger or factual event has you feeling what emotion.

Even then you can't always pinpoint them!

WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 1033 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Topic Posts: 4

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