I'm sorry you are going through all this. You mentioned your WH is going to IC, are you in IC yourself? I found that helped me get a hold of my feelings and emotions. It may help you better deal with the depression. He has no right to be angry with you. You deserve to know where he is, what he is doing and with who! He made the choice to cheat and he pays the consequences of that choice.
My H started IC shortly after I moved out. He had been going for a little over a month when we started "dating" again. Shortly after that he asked me to join him for one of his sessions. I went gladly and we actually figured out a lot of our previous problems in that one visit. I went with him one other time after that. When he finally confessed, I had no idea about the A until it had been over for 7-8 months, I started going to IC for me. After a couple months we started going to MC. All of our counseling is with the same guy. I felt better going to someone that was already familiar with our situation, but that was just my personal preference.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
It just sucks because I only have a few friends and they don't even know because they would totally ream me for staying at this moment. I kinda lost some of my friends or my being so involved with them when I was in Grad school for 5 years while working FT. I didn't have time for them so now many of them have their own lives. I guess I don't know what I would do if I leave this dysfunctional comfort, if that makes any sense. I think that is why I don't make any moves. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I should call Monday. I guess I was debating whether I should do MC or IC. The person I selected is both.
MC now might help you communicate a lot better by telling your H he needs to answer questions without getting defensive.
Right now you're stuck in a pretty toxic place. You are the only one who can unstick you; but you have to take those first baby steps.
I only have a few friends and they don't even know because they would totally ream me for staying
and...you are right I want a family and children so bad, but not at the expense of them suffering with me. and i also think part of me thinks, I stuck with him thru all his garbage that "when" he pulls it together I should then reap the benefits of him being healthy. I know that sounds dumb but i guess that was also my mindset.
[This message edited by silentlyscreamin at 6:31 PM, July 14th (Sunday)]