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really bad day

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SSmile posted 7/13/2013 00:40 AM

It's been 8 and a half months since dday. everytime I bring up the affairs he doesnt want to talk about it, says he doesnt know how to without angering me. (I still do get angry and break down, the rest of the time we are raising 5 kids and him working two jobs.He is in counseling with a IC but I don't really know what is going on in his sessions.. He has asked me to go to marriage counseling but I can't seem to get there. He says "we cant do this alone" and "we need counseling to stay together" we, we, we... well I told him WE arent a team anymore. where was "WE" when you were screwing whores??? (not literally) I feel alone and he knows this too, says he loves me..pretty sure he doesnt know what that is. I pissed my thirties away on a man who didn't commit for five mins. When does the anger and sadness go away..I am drowning here and my kids are suffering because I am so unhappy.

[This message edited by SSmile at 12:41 AM, July 13th (Saturday)]

madsadalone posted 7/13/2013 07:16 AM

((((Ssmiles)))

While I feel less than qualified to give you answers, I want you to know that you have been heard.

ionlytalkedtoher posted 7/13/2013 07:59 AM

my kids are suffering too. I just have no energy to be the awesome mom I used to be.

Duffy1958 posted 7/13/2013 12:13 PM

I don't feel qualified either but I also want to jump in with the others in support of you.

This is hard. It's like a war that you have rounded a corner on (reconciliation) but there is still much damage & destruction to clean up.

Can you get any time to yourself in the midst of all of this? Can you get any help? Friends-family? A support group is good.

Dont be afraid to ask yourself hard questions. You sound like you want to say this is a deal breaker. Yes?

Give yourself permission to ask all the questions from your husband & yourself. I am keeping a diary. It helps me keep track, I have to concentrate to do it, it makes me feel proactive about my situation. I think half the battle is figuring some things out. I'm not saying "do as I do" just I have found it helpful to me.

My heart goes out to you SSmile. I support you!

njgal480 posted 7/13/2013 13:07 PM

My FWH went to IC and so did I but then we also went to MC together. I tried to limit my endless questions to our weekly MC sessions because otherwise I could have discussed the LTA 24/7 and get the same reaction from my FWH or worse.
When he knew that I would save my questions for MC it became easier for him to open up at that time...that or he was afraid that I would go back to grilling him about it all day long.
And...in your case ...8 months post d-day is not that long. You are still trying to recover from this mess so feeling bad is not unusual.And needing to ask questions is not unusual.
Its an emotional roller coaster.

SSmile posted 7/25/2013 20:23 PM

Thank you everyone. I am still hanging on at the end of the cliff..waiting for an appt to open up for MC. We will see. I dont owe this to him I decided but to myself and my children.

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