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dindy posted 7/13/2013 01:05 AM

So xWS has our children at weekends and I'm due to drop them off into town at 9.30. He is due to take them to a summer social at DS' kindergarten today.

Well surprise surprise, he had texted me asking if I can have the kids instead as he is ill.

Firstly, I don't ask him to look after the kids when I'm ill and I wouldn't ever. Secondly, I can't afford to just take the time off work as I wouldn't get paid.

I'm pretty sure the real reason he wants me to take the kids to the social is because he knows that a lot of our friends will be there and he is too much of a coward to face them. This really pisses me off!

I texted him back to say no and that I couldn't afford to suddenly take time off work. I wait on at a restaurant in town and I only earn minimum wage and rely heavily on tips. At the beginning of our S I had to miss two shifts from work that were unpaid and it leaves me skint. It's ok for him as he's on a £50,000 salary!

I've reminded him that it is up to him to sort out childcare if he is ill. I also cheekily asked him if he was going to be ill next weekend when he is due to take our children to a birthday party.

I wish he would just fu(k off!!

Rant over!

Nature_Girl posted 7/13/2013 01:36 AM

That sucks!

My STBX has frequently claimed to be ill. Too ill to be with the kids for visitation. Instead he's actually wanting to go out fishing, so he lies to get out of his parenting obligations. Think your XWH is lying, too?

dmari posted 7/13/2013 01:36 AM

He must have thought you were the idiot! He needs to grow a pair and man the fuck up!

dindy posted 7/13/2013 01:47 AM

Yes I'm pretty sure he's lying through his teeth. When I questioned him about the birthday party next week he got really defensive and even cursed in the text.

Whatever!

He knew I was really ill with tonsilitis last week and didn't offer to help. I wouldn't expect him to and certainly wouldn't ask.

He is still just so self-absorbed!!

Ashland13 posted 7/13/2013 07:41 AM

This comes up in a different way here. STBXH bullied a change in visiting plans and then bullies his way out of them.

He has found me several times at places I've gone to avoid being found during those times and he has left DD at my work places when he has made other plans on his visiting days.

Good for you, dindy. It's a shame to have to learn to be this way.

Heavy Sigh posted 7/13/2013 07:51 AM

It's sad when it gets to the point parents of a child won't help each other out when one parent is sick - as you were last week - but I understand about your job and how you need to work. Maybe another parent at the school could accompany them there, even if your husband had to pick them up after the party?

Sadder even, as Nature Girl experienced, when a parent lies to go fishing rather than take pleasure in seeing their child happy at a social function.

dindy posted 7/15/2013 02:41 AM

Thank you for your replies. He was absolutely fine and took our children to the social. So I'm sure he was trying to be a coward as usual.

I've spoken to a few friends about this and I've realised that this is just him looking for me to mother him, again. And, to try for me to be his friend on his terms.

Heavy Sigh, I understand what you say about it being sad that we can't help each other out. As far as I'm concerned we do co-parent amicably. It's just too soon for me to be in a place that I can just pretend like nothing has happened and I know this is what he would like. I'm sure in the future this might be an option and we can even share nice moments together about our children, but, I'm no way near ready for that.

As I rely heavily on tips in my job and I don't get paid to take time off, even for being ill, I'm so glad I worked. Also, it gives me some fault time that I so need. :)

dindy posted 7/15/2013 03:39 AM

That was meant to say 'adult time'!, silly predictive text! :)