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Very little info from WS

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tennispro posted 7/13/2013 06:34 AM

Has anyone gotten very little info from their WS? Mine is away on business right now (where his OW lives!) and before he left I got a "ill try to stay faithful" and a few scraps of info about the A. There's been very little, if any, remorse about destroying our marriage. He seems most stressed about the financial burden of a D. He's been sending me nice texts and said he hasn't seen OW. I'm not planning to R with him. I'm just shocked that he seems to be trying to make it disappear. I sometimes think I should too and then we should just file for a D and move on. Can this be real after 16 yrs together and 2 young kids??

madsadalone posted 7/13/2013 07:00 AM

Change it to 26 years married and add a kid, you have written about my WS.

The only information I have gotten is what I found. WS has confirmed he is a cheater, they were not as attractive as me,and it is all my fault.

It's disgusting and I am sorry that you are here. I really can say that I know how you feel and am truly sorry.

stronger08 posted 7/13/2013 07:31 AM

A person who wants to R will be forthcoming with any and all information you request. What I assume your WS is doing is either trying to continue his A on the sly or he is getting his ducks lined up to screw you over in a D proceeding. Don't allow him time for both of those situations. You really need to be proactive now. Things don't change on their own. If you want change, take action. JMHO

jjct posted 7/13/2013 07:40 AM

Trying to make it all go away is shocking. But after having read hundreds of similar stories over the years, I want to tell you - it's what most of them do.

If they don't have remorse, you just can't work with that.
I'm so so sorry. It's so wrong.
(Making it all your fault is particularly messed up!)

It's natural to be hesitant, to avoid, even deny that there's an inevitable outcome when dealing with remorselessness...when "we" file...but when you take the reigns, and file -
that's when they pull their heads out.

When it gets "real".

D is a long process, and you can stop it before it concludes, but if they're ever going to "get it", and get a clue - that's the wake-up call.
I just hate seeing you guys suffer. Lack of remorse and blameshifting is just so damaging - I wish you could avoid it.
Hugs.

ionlytalkedtoher posted 7/13/2013 07:55 AM

my husband of 16 years also gave me no info. That is what made me crazy since he kept downplaying it all and saying it was nothing etc to make me believe he did nothing wrong. There would be times when I said, I know you were talking to K or R and he would blatantly lie. So I would have to show him the texts or point it out physically etc...he still denied and said I don't know how that got there? Or I must have been on ambien when I typed that to her...um NO it was at 4pm not in the middle of the night...he always had an excuse or denial...he is still sort of in denial. the only info I obtained was what I dug up myself. He just doesn't want to tell me anything about his secret life.

madsadalone posted 7/13/2013 08:03 AM

I am quickly reaching pisstivity.

I have had a couple of months to try to process the information, but it has done little for my overall attitude.

I think that I found my true inner self due to his actions, I have become a bitter, sarcastic, heartless bitch.

He had the audacity to tell me that he doesn't feel safe giving me info because I have become too unpredictable!

gee, ya think?

[This message edited by madsadalone at 8:04 AM, July 13th (Saturday)]

solus sto posted 7/13/2013 09:23 AM

The only info I got from Mr. Trac-Fone, ever, was info I found on my own. Even then, his first (through hundred and forty-first) impulse was to lie and deny. I am not sure he knows truth.

When I was under the misapprehension that R was a possibility, I believed I needed to know everything. I still would prefer to know. But, really, I knew everything I needed to know in order to make decisions about my life: I was married to a cheater who values secrets and lies more than me and our marriage (and family). So the lack of info? Speaks volumes.

[This message edited by solus sto at 9:26 AM, July 13th (Saturday)]

madsadalone posted 7/13/2013 09:53 AM

Exactly where I am at Solus Sto.

I could not have said it better.

I will add that mine thinks he is the "victim", so I refuse to file for D. I feel that he is waiting for me to do so.

Ain't gonna happen til I am damn good and ready.

jjct posted 7/13/2013 11:17 AM

madsadalone- you have a pm


tennispro - re getting very little info.
Neither did I.
It's confusing - can this be real? - I know!
hugs sister!

Lemme tell you. There will come a point in your heart when it tells you;
"You know enough."

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