Crash, and cmego, and cayc and OIAL have got me in a reflecting mood this morning
In early September it will be two years since I ended my "too soon post divorce, too early to be in a relationship, oops sorry" 6 month long relationship. Although I've had plenty of dates in the last two years, although I've had a lot of "first meetings" and have dated a few men for 3 or 4 dates, I haven't had a "dating relationship" in almost 2 years.
I was hoping (hell, I was certain) I'd find the right relationship early on. I bought the "6 month guarantee" package on Match, never thinking I would extend my contract (twice!), much less buy memberships on other dating sites. I was pretty hopeful, and pretty naive.
Almost two years. If I had known then, what I know now. When I started it was scary as hell. I had no idea what I was doing, made a lot of mistakes and missteps, forgot who I was and lost my "voice" more than one time. Each step I took I analyzed, debated, evaluated and discussed with my friends, on SI, in my head. It was exhausting! (eta yea, I know I still do it!) I thought I was so ready when I started. Thought I had my head on straight. Thought I was cool with it all. I wasn't, and maybe I'm still not, but I am so much more put together now than I was.
Almost two years. When I started OLD, I think I would have been pretty disheartened had I known I wouldn't find a relationship in two years. And yet, like every other step of this journey, I have learned so much about me. I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned. I really do think I'm awesome. I really wont settle. I really do know what I'm looking for. I really am going to be the one who chooses, not the one who is chosen. I really am going to be picky. I really am (almost totally) freaking okay with my singleness!
Although I really thought I would be one of the ones who found a good relationship right away, I'm grateful that I haven't. Huh, what do you know, it turns out my new beginning has really been ALL about ME after all.