I went through a phase of this in the early days. Back when I still needed further verification that I was doing the right thing in walking away.
Then I realised that I already knew enough to make my decision here.
These thoughts still pop up now sometimes - like little vicious "Aha!" moments that creep up on me. Whenever I wonder about some fuckery I think he pulled my answer is always "Probably. What a fuckwit, seriously".
She probably did do all of those things and a whole lot more you will never know about. Probably is a good place to be because I can tell you she definitely will not ever give you the truth.
Rather than wondering about the black black hole that is her I would recommend you examine why you are feeling this way and try to work out how you can get yourself through it.
This kind of stuff is a form of self-harm IMO. We can get stuck between the twin evils of either torturing ourselves playing these scenarios out in our minds over and over again OR torturing ourselves with the hope that "No - she/he wouldn't do THAT". Yes they would. They did. They would still be doing it if we let them.
As I said what I do know is enough for me to make my decision here.
[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 9:06 PM, July 13th (Saturday)]