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Newest Member: EllaE21 (60723)

User Topic: Is this My Gut or Paranoia? What Would You Do?
♀ 39433
Member # 39433
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, July 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So on Tuesday my F called me on his way to work and said " I was calling to see if you were down...OK". I said I was fine and hadn't called him since the previous night because I was very tired. He said that was fine and then later in the day he texted me and told me he had to leave work to go downtown for a conference.

I immediately became paranoid because OW attends college downtown and because when he called me earlier I swore I heard him say the word "down" before he corrected himself and said he was checking to see if I was ok.

I told him I was worried so he sent me pictures and video of the event and it's monitors so that I could see he was there at the exact minute he sent the videos.

I tried to call him but it wouldn't go through and he sent me a screenshot of where he had tried to call me several times but it said network issue. We have the same phone and provider so I believe he was actually calling me.

So I believe he was at the conference when he said he was, because I have proof of it but still I am losing sleep over the possibility of him having met up with her downtown.


He voluntarily told me he was going downtown knowing I might be freaked out.

He took video of the conference that had date timestamp images on the monitors.

He was where he said he would be.

I don't have any solid proof that he met her or has spoken with her at all since NC started in May. I only have him possibly saying " I was checking to see if you were down...OK."

Down could have been downtown. Does that mean he was checking to see if she was already somewhere though. This was many hours before he attended the conference.

Does this sound like paranoia or intuition? Should I just believe him?

[This message edited by anonymous823 at 11:36 AM, July 13th (Saturday)]

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, July 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That was Tuesday, What has happened since then? What do his actions tell you?

I think you have reasons to be suspicious and this could have been a trigger for you. I think the word is trust but verify...

Has he done things to EARN your trust? If not.. then I would not trust him. But I would still verify. Because if he did go downtown and did NOT meet up with OW.. and he was doing all the right things by showing you he was where he said he was..Well that would be reason (for me) to believe he was actively working to rebuild my trust in him.



I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 6708 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
♀ 38839
Member # 38839
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, July 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Initially when I read this post, I thought, "Well, sometimes when I'm tired or talking a lot throughout the day I'll use really weird words in weird places for some reason." I was thinking maybe he meant to say "if you were doing OK" and for some reason changed "doing" for "down" somehow. (Stuff like that happens to me when I'm tired/have talked a lot, like I said.)

However, based on reading your past posts, I think it's at least LIKELY that your WF was thinking about saying "are you down to go X Y Z" or "are you downtown" to someone else (OW or not? -- impossible to say for sure) and mixed the two statements in his head, inadvertently making that slip.

But -- then he did send you evidence that he was where he said he was going to be, that he tried to call you, etc. Do you think it's possible he was meeting someone else at the meeting/downtown/etc? A friend or coworker maybe? Is there any way to know for sure where he was *before* he said he was going downtown for the meeting?

Also... would he have known about the meeting in advance? I've never worked for an employer who springs conferences on people. Normally I'd know at least a week in advance if I or anyone else I worked with needed to attend a conference.



Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, July 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im sounds to me that he called you...when he meant to call OW...and didn't realize it was you on the line until he got halfway through that sentence.

The pics help..but none of that explains what he said on the phone..

FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 15220 | Registered: Jan 2011
♀ 39433
Member # 39433
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, July 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@Kajem- he's been consistently accountable since Tuesday and for almost 3 months. I also looked through his phone and found nothing.

It really seems like he's trying and our therapist agrees.

@mystic- he was the only one from his job there he said. I can verify that he was at his desk at work before going to the conference. He says he received an email in advance about the conference but didn't tell me until the day of because we didn't talk the high before. I was really down the night before and told him I fell asleep early but I was just ignoring his calls because I was drained.

@confused- I don't understand what he said either although he is known to mix up words when he has a lot on his mind. Starting to think it's unreliable to look for slips with him because they keep turning out to be nothing. It's his actions I should probably rely on most.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 5

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