I think its great he is being honest by saying he's not there 100%, What do you want? You can't reconcile till he can be there 100% and focus on your healing, Its kinda reversed right now, your wanting to heal him? Yes he's broken so was I, But till I said enough of the OM there was no way my BH could stay with me or care nor did I expect him too. It took me about 20 hours to beg my BH to give it a try and I saw what the Affair really was. and that I really didnt want to leave, the fact was I really never did. Stupid I know. You are going to find that your WS may be all over the place. Stop and think about yourself. How are you feeling, do you have someone for yourself to talk to is your WH supportive of you when you cry, If you haven't please read the Healing Liabrary and what a WS suppose to do to heal a BS its not the other way around. But good for you to have some empathy to help your spouse.
As the WW, I posted about this very topic one month after DDay, and got some helpful responses including a couple of links to other similar threads.
Your WH sounds like he is remorseful and committed to R; I hope he is working as hard to help you, as you are in helping him.
"I don't understand the world today I don't understand what she needs I gave her everything she threw it all away" tom petty
It is very common to have a hard time letting go of the OP. The relationship with the OP was a hyped-up, dopamine-driven thing which is almost like an addiction.
You may want to direct him here to SI. We could help him.
He has to be 100% done with her and 100% commited to you and R, or its a waste of time.
On the fence... do I stay or do
You have a pm.