i know that sounds so callous and mean of me...but that is how i feel. he has been clean and sober for 8 months...attending his AA meetings....and his friends and family say that he has not sounded or looked this good in "20 years!"
good for him. he even started a new business that is doing well. he is doing all the things in the HL....heck he even bought a minivan...an attempt to show me that he is a "family man" now and not the monster that he has been.
read my signature...he has been a monster.
but i am still so angry..and mad. i keep reliving the details of his affair....like the dirty text i found at 4am, that said to his mistress "emotionally, you cant handle this dick that deep." omg. that is how i found out i was in false r...with a different woman....15 years older than us...and a child therapist at that.
it is mind boggling.
there isnt anything else he can do. it is me. we are in mc....and that helps...but it just hurt....it sucks, you know?
in a way, i feel "left behind." he is making all of these changes in his life....becoming a better person...everything seems to be going his way.....but i am stuck.
and i feel like this is harming our attempt at r.
my ic says it doesnt matter what he does, or says at this point...it is up to me to decide if i will move past this.
i'm glad he is changing his life...and not getting high and drunk everyday. and i am glad that he has supposedly learned that cheating is a disaster....good for him.
but the collateral damage from all of it is just too overwhelming sometimes.
i seem to be comfortable holding on to it....and i am not sure why.
my question to my friends here are...do you ever feel this way? and what things do you do to help yourself heal?
[This message edited by sri624 at 12:06 PM, July 14th (Sunday)]