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259 posted 7/14/2013 05:02 AM

sometimes its all too much (most of the time I'm all good) but this weekend has been not the best.

I got served divorce papers - a good thing right? I know its been over for more than 2 years. My ex moved straight in with his OW when he left me. I've dipped into dating and have enjoyed meeting a man here and there and have kept one for 6 months before we called it quits.

so why has this brought me down? I mean FFS I wouldn't go anywhere near his crazy ass ever again and if I never had to see or speak to him again I would die a happy woman.

and then today I got a call from my folks saying that my Mum has been diagnosed with alzheimers - earlyish days.

I get home tonight and find my two room mates moving out for a month while they house-sit.

and here I sit in the marital home which I'm trying to sell (been on the market for a year now) stuck. I've got no money to move back to my home-town until I sell.

and now I just feel like crying.

I hope they have true love cause I'd hate to think my life has been de-railed to this extent for anything less than true love.

sorry for the pity party for one. I'm sure tomorrow will bring me a better attitude.

well it better

OnceInALifetime posted 7/14/2013 07:48 AM

I'm sorry, that's a lot of unsettling and sad news all at once. Go ahead and have that pity party for a bit. If you weren't feeling sad, I'd wonder what's wrong with you.

Hugs. Be good to yourself.

cass posted 7/14/2013 12:56 PM

It will get better, you just have to hang in there. It's ok to feel sad. We all know those low moments/hours/days even and you are dealing with a lot of stuff. Keep going and keep being good to yourself.

As for true lurrve.....I don't think so but then one day soon you won't give a damn.

(((259)))

OnceInALifetime posted 7/14/2013 13:13 PM

And can it be called "true" love when it was consummated on top of a heap of lies?

nowiknow23 posted 7/14/2013 13:31 PM

(((((((259))))))) Sending you strength and comfort, honey.

caregiver9000 posted 7/14/2013 13:41 PM

(((259)))

I am so sorry you feel sad. You have had a few blows emotionally all at once!

Much love and support.

259 posted 7/14/2013 16:18 PM

thank you all for your kind wishes.

today is another day and I'm feeling - not better - but more knowing that I can do this and this time will pass..... just wishing for a little quicker....

I am a serial lurker on this board and I always come away with some good things to ponder on.

I seriously think this place has saved me many times.

thank you good people of SI

SBB posted 7/14/2013 16:38 PM

I think when you've been dealt an emotional blow or you're dealing with something difficult everything else becomes magnified, even if it is in the periphery.

I also think that some of it are triggers - if he hadn't been a lying, cheating, broken POS he would be helping you navigate through these tough times.

Truth is even if he hadn't cheated the sad clown never was equipped to help me navigate through anything. He was there in body but never really 'there' when I needed him.

I'm curious to know when I'll stop cursing his name whenever something bad happens. I don't 'blame' him when it rains on my washing anymore but I do sometimes seem to shift my focus from whatever unrelated bad feelings I'm feeling to thinking about all the bad things in the M pre and post DD.

Part of it is picking at an old wound when I'm vulnerable but I also think part of it might be that in a weird way I think that thinking of the hell I've been through might help me strengthen up for the challenge at hand. Like a weird, vulnerable, not healthy pep talk to self.

259 posted 7/14/2013 17:14 PM

thanks Strong, yes I think you are onto it.

my first thoughts on hearing about my Mum were "bastard told me that when the time came we would move back to my home town and look after my parents"

but hey - he lied about everything else so why should I be surprised when I think of another 'promise' that he broke?

I did take out most of my grief, on the death of one of our sons, on him to be honest. my bad.

upwards and onwards shall be my mantra today