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Why these huge steps back?

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fraeuken posted 7/14/2013 09:34 AM

Sunday morning, 7.30 am and instead of catching up on some sleep, I am sitting here, sorting through my itunes library, tears rolling.

I have a man in my life for whom I am falling more and more each day and who is crazy about me. I have wonderful friends, a supportive family, stability in my job(s) and yet, the news of XH moving 40 miles away to the city where we first started out, having secured a lovely 4 bedroom house with a large yard together with OW, getting a dog together with OW and planning to play happy family up there with OW and my children - it has me come crashing down.

I would never, ever want him back starting to realize now how you can actually be loved by a man. But it hurts bad to see all those things we talked about and dreamed about being realized with OW, knowing I put 18 years of committment, love and hard work into this part of my life just be discarded like a piece of trash when a new, sparkly toy came along.

cayc posted 7/14/2013 09:50 AM

Periodically I find myself mourning what was, what could have been even as I realize that what I have now is so much better than what was.

It's okay that you still do so from time to time, especially with news like this. It just means you are a caring person who's aware that how things shook out wasn't right or fair. It doesn't mean you aren't healing, in a better place, in a better life to do so.

Hmm a 4 bedroom house though, with a dog, what a cleaning job that will be! And the taxes? Oof. Are you sure you want that? lol.


[This message edited by cayc at 9:50 AM, July 14th (Sunday)]

FaithFool posted 7/14/2013 10:28 AM

You wouldn't be human if you didn't feel something.

You have been lifejacked. That's a few degrees worse than the average case of infidelity.

It happened to my BFF. Her ex ran off with best friend, who was a married mother of two at the time.

They became schmoopies in lurrrv, she divorced her husband and moved in with him, who promptly married her and bought the beautiful old house my BFF and he had looked at and dreamed of buying for years.

Word now is that she is a complete shrew, her kids are terrors and his life is miserable.

Poor muffin.

cmego posted 7/14/2013 10:49 AM

Yeah, I get that way, and I wonder if it is because I don't have someone to date. I get to hear all about them playing "happy gay family" with my kids...while I"m at home alone if the kids aren't here.

I don't want it back, but I still get slapped with the "what was SUPPOSE to happen" from time to time.

I think it is just the process of moving forward.

Hang in there

fraeuken posted 7/14/2013 10:55 AM

I guess I feel cheated, not in a sense of being cheated on but being cheated out of what should have been mine with my children.

That is the hardest part. I have to share my kids, only see them 50%, have 50% of their memories, see 50% of their activities and Sparkly Panties, who has not done anything for these children, gets to play Disney Mommy.

Off to the nursery to get new plants for the deck and the front yard. I need to do something physical today and 'create' something or I will be stuck on these sad thoughts all day.

persevere posted 7/14/2013 12:12 PM

Totally understandable lady. I went through the same thing, just a different stage of life. I love Faith's term "lifejacked" - it describes it well.

XWH and I had so many plans once we emptynested, and he walked out just 18 months before that with a woman he had a 10 week affair with and started that life with her. (Her kids are two years older than mine so she had already emptynested). They now have the vacation house in Mexico we always dreamed of after our trips there, etc.

But you know what fraeuken? In the end we WIN - because although it's unfair that they jacked our lives this way, we are both FAR better off without such broken people in our lives.

And we both know that just because he's painting a pretty picture doesn't make it so.


nowiknow23 posted 7/14/2013 12:32 PM


fraeuken posted 7/14/2013 15:40 PM

Thanks, fellow SIers.

I picked myself up, downloaded some classical music I have been wanting to get for a long time, listened 10 times to Frank Sinatra and Luciano Pavarotti sing "My Way" on my church, met up there with SO and got a few good hugs and some loving words of understanding, went flower/plant shopping and am now ready to tackle life again.

I will always grieve this marriage and the family and the future that should have been.

Love the term 'lifejacked' as well. It really summarizes what we are all going through.

Have a lovely Sunday and a splendid week.

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