IMHO the best MC for infidelity is someone that has experience dealing with infidelity. And has dealt with couples that reconciled after infidelity as well as those that divorced.
Also-the therapist should not be someone that encourages the BS to rug sweep and 'get over it'.
He/she should view the infidelity as trauma and understand that the BS is often suffering from PTSD or more accurately PISD ( post infidelity stress disorder).
Our first MC was awful. He was insisting that I needed to get over it and I looked at him and said: "I am only 3 months post d-day and you expect me to get over a 5 yr LTA already?"
I also was positive that he was a WH because he totally related to my FWH.
I confronted him with that also. He told me it was not something he would disclose. But his non answer said it all didn't it?
If he was not a former WS he would have said that and then said it really didn't matter.
Anyway, we wasted 3 months with him. Then we found another MC that was well versed in trauma as well as infidelity. I even went to her for EMDR.
She was much more helpful.
But, I have to say that I think that IC for myself and my FWH helped us the most.
