Because of all the sh STBXH dishes out-or all of the ignoring he does, either way painful-I have been working a very hard 180 the past few weeks. I will admit that it is torture.
I am having actual withdrawal symptoms from it and cannot figure out how to battle them. When I am at my volunteer job or regular job, it's better because my hands are busy even if there's nothing to do, I can make up things. At home is harder because what there is to do makes me too tired and his ghost is still there lurking, though his stuff isn't.
So yes, I just wanted to chime in and say someone else understands. What does help me is a few things and I don't know if it will help you at all-it doesn't help with the massive grief but helps me keep not contacting him.
I remember the pain, "no new hurts", one of the SI theories about the concept. He continues to hurt me freshly and I finally realized one day that it's me being stupid about a man who could give a sh about me, but hid that.
Then I remember the pain when he doesn't reply, which is new and equally as hurtful.
Next, I remember the very little bit of pride I get out of every time I have the whim to contact him and manage to stop myself.
Yes, and I hope this comes out gently, here too, at one point, STBXH in this case tried to say that he loved both myself and OW, but what I think and an IC thinks is that he couldn't make up his mind-it wasn't love, it was what he wanted out of each situation that we women created for him or let him create by being with us. I thought it was love, but it was not...not for a long while and that is part of what I grieve. He said that to me because he wasn't ready to give up life here and it's suspected things weren't solidified with OW yet, but when they were, BANG!, I got the shaft, but it helped me move toward filing.
I wish you strength, Savvy, in keeping that 180 in as much as you can do and yes, even with a business, there are ways. It really speaks to a WH, from what I understand and whether they come back or not I don't know, but it at least helps also deflate some ego.
It was said to me once, or written, that 180 also helps us as BS by taking ourselves out of the equation, so that it's only the WH and OW to make drama for each other. This stayed in my head for a long time and helps me a lot, for I also want no ammunition for OW and he to heckle me with, or him to complain to his L about, which he does if he doesn't like something.