((((Cali))) Yes. It does get better. But it takes time and work.
I think the road is rockier when discovery of infidelity brings with it the realization that most of your marriage has been marred by dishonesty and betrayal.
For those of us who find out that our spouses have been in long-term affairs, or have otherwise been unfaithful for a significant portion of our marriages, I think recovery is complicated. It's terrible to discover a spouse's infidelity. If you also learn that you've been willfully deceived for most of your marriage, the injury is tremendously compounded.
The general timetable for recovery from infidelity often quoted here is 2-5 years. Recovery is incremental; gradually, you will heal.
For me, physical separation was necessary. Once I knew that this was going to happen (I clung to the notion of R for a while), then things improved dramatically; then, the 180 was helpful. But it was very difficult until he moved out; he was a huge trigger.
Once he moved out, I was able to accept, with greater equanimity, that I would never get the answers I wanted. Once he was out of the house, my progress really took off. My biggest trigger was gone.
Since your intention is to separate and divorce, I would suggest implementing a STRONG 180 immediately, if you're not already doing it. Detachment is your goal, and you can't start that soon enough.
This will require that you let go of expectations---that you'll get answers, that you'll see remorse, that you'll get some sort of reasonable explanation for the long-term deceit and betrayal, that the nonsensical marital rewrite will end, that you will get anything helpful from a man willing to lie and cheat to you for the duration of your marriage. Letting go of these things you cannot control will permit you to start healing.
I'm really sorry for your pain.
[This message edited by solus sto at 3:55 PM, July 14th (Sunday)]