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Newest Member: MrsB (61169)

User Topic: No longer a family
♀ 20024
Member # 20024
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I took my sons to a classmate's birthday party this afternoon. The party was playing mini-golf. Many of the other parents used the opportunity to play along side their children. Several husband and wives. It stuck me so hard that we will never have that again. My kids will never have a mom AND a dad to tag along. It will be one or the other.

3 days before DDay #2 we took the kids bowling. That's the last memory I have of all four us together.

I'm trying to stay strong with my 180. I've done really well the past few days. Our conversations have been strictly about the boys. He tried texting me last night at 11pm but I ignored it.

Just needed to get it out.

Me: BW
DDay #1 Tried R
DDAY #2 Divorcing

Burn everything love then burn the ashes.

Posts: 247 | Registered: Jun 2008
♀ 23890
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That realization just totally sucks. I'm sorry. It is hard to work through and adjust, cause it is so unfair. Mourning the should be's are as hard as mourning the shoulda beens.


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4432 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HI Hanging On,

This is something I am going through now too, especially as our divorce moves further along.

I was sitting at work and started to bawl this week, when realization dawned that we will never, ever be a "whole" family again. I think what hurts for a big part of it, is that all the decisions have been his.

I hope you will be okay soon and the triggers will lesson.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 3034 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
♀ 29061
Member # 29061
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand this so well. I'm so sorry. I'm one year out from my divorce and I still mourn these things. I remember well the first thing I went to and felt this way. It was my son's baseball awards pizza party. EVERYONE there was an intact family but us. I felt so alone and so sad for my son. I'm sorry you are facing this.

Me - BS - 39
Him - WH, SA - 39
Married 17 yrs.
3 kids- 16, 13, 8
Dday#1 - 3/16/07 PA
D-day#2- 9/21/09 PA, began recovery 6/8/10
D-day#3- 11-8-10 False recovery.
D-Day#4- 12/27/11 Third PA, divorcing
Divorced- 6/6/12

Posts: 405 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: California
♀ 33698
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I took my kids to an amusement park today. The last time we were there, our family was still together. DS #1 commented on that a few times. We still had fun, but it was bittersweet.

I know it's tough. I live in a small town where it seems like everyone is married. I just try to remember that I'm only seeing their public faces-- I have no idea what is really going on in their lives.


FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 4079 | Registered: Oct 2011
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The composition is not what I expected, hoped for, worked so hard for but my little family of 3 is more intact than it ever was when it was 'intact' in the traditional way.

Yet I still mourn what I never had.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 6004 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((hangingontohope7))))) I have felt that way to and I had to force myself to see it in a different but positive perspective. Kind of along the same lines as StrongButBroken. We ARE an intact family. We were hurt and destroyed when stbx walked out but I can say for certain that with healing and rebuilding, the life we now lead is authentic.

Hugs to you and I am glad to hear you are doing well the past few days. Continue to heal and move forward! You can do it!

Posts: 2868 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 7

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