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I took my sons to a classmate's birthday party this afternoon. The party was playing mini-golf. Many of the other parents used the opportunity to play along side their children. Several husband and wives. It stuck me so hard that we will never have that again. My kids will never have a mom AND a dad to tag along. It will be one or the other.

3 days before DDay #2 we took the kids bowling. That's the last memory I have of all four us together.

I'm trying to stay strong with my 180. I've done really well the past few days. Our conversations have been strictly about the boys. He tried texting me last night at 11pm but I ignored it.

Just needed to get it out.

That realization just totally sucks. I'm sorry. It is hard to work through and adjust, cause it is so unfair. Mourning the should be's are as hard as mourning the shoulda beens.

((hoth))

HI Hanging On,

This is something I am going through now too, especially as our divorce moves further along.

I was sitting at work and started to bawl this week, when realization dawned that we will never, ever be a "whole" family again. I think what hurts for a big part of it, is that all the decisions have been his.

I hope you will be okay soon and the triggers will lesson.

I understand this so well. I'm so sorry. I'm one year out from my divorce and I still mourn these things. I remember well the first thing I went to and felt this way. It was my son's baseball awards pizza party. EVERYONE there was an intact family but us. I felt so alone and so sad for my son. I'm sorry you are facing this.

I took my kids to an amusement park today. The last time we were there, our family was still together. DS #1 commented on that a few times. We still had fun, but it was bittersweet.

I know it's tough. I live in a small town where it seems like everyone is married. I just try to remember that I'm only seeing their public faces-- I have no idea what is really going on in their lives.

(((HOH7)))

The composition is not what I expected, hoped for, worked so hard for but my little family of 3 is more intact than it ever was when it was 'intact' in the traditional way.

Yet I still mourn what I never had.

((hangingontohope7))

(((((hangingontohope7))))) I have felt that way to and I had to force myself to see it in a different but positive perspective. Kind of along the same lines as StrongButBroken. We ARE an intact family. We were hurt and destroyed when stbx walked out but I can say for certain that with healing and rebuilding, the life we now lead is authentic.

Hugs to you and I am glad to hear you are doing well the past few days. Continue to heal and move forward! You can do it!