I am hurting so bad don't know what to do.
We know, shattered. It is such an awful feeling. Right now, all you have to do is take care of yourself (and any children you have). It's going to be hard enough just to keep functioning, so give yourself some TLC. Whatever sounds good to eat, wear, read, watch on TV--do it.
I also found out about my husband's affair after it was over. If your husband ended the affair, he may have come out of the affair fog on his own. So he may be on the way towards true remorse. If you do decide to go see him, I would suggest that he read a short book first: How to help your spouse heal from your affair by Linda MacDonald.
If he takes that book to heart, then he won't hurt you more by telling half truths about the affair, getting defensive, or minimizing it.
I found emails. It felt like getting kicked in the chest by a horse. Amazingly, it does get better. You will survive and heal and thrive.