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Topic: I can't complain anymore

rachelc
♀ 30314
Member # 30314

Posted: 6:06 PM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013

It's been a year and a half. I see OW1 at pool. There is nothing I can do. If I am working on recovery I just have to accept that this is my life. But it makes me want to pull my hair out. I see the woman he made out with, who knew about me but i didnt know about her, who knew about my chikdren and life, half naked.
I tell fWH and he tells me he's sorry for my pain. What else is there really to do/say....
Except that I maintain it was enough that it happened. I should NEVER have to see them again.

[This message edited by rachelc at 6:07 PM, July 14th (Sunday)]

Posts: 7613 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest

BeautifulEmpty
♀ 38763
Member # 38763

Posted: 6:17 PM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013

I would not be able to stomach that at all. As it is, I can hardly go to places she and I went to together (as my pretend friend). Even though the likelihood of her being there is almost nil.

Me: 44 BS
Him: 40 FWS
Ow: 47 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 23, 20, 19, 17, 12
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 360 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State

rachelc
♀ 30314
Member # 30314

Posted: 6:44 PM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013

I shouldn't be struggling with acceptance this far out. There should be a game plan in place, a commitment to something other than limbo, where I'm at. I just can't do it yet.

Posts: 7613 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest

BeautifulEmpty
♀ 38763
Member # 38763

Posted: 11:11 AM, July 15th (Monday), 2013

During our bigger separation, one thing I worked on a lot was the idea that: if the day is not going the way I'd like, do something (anything!) to change it. It is a hard concept to hold on to, especially where there is routine or 'have to' in place.
Is there anything you can do to change that situation. I completely understand being in limbo and wanting a plan but there are moments where the plan can be nothing more or less than short term and all about us...not them.
I'm so sorry you are in this and experiencing such a hard thing constantly.
Again, what can you do to change this? Or at least minimize it?

Me: 44 BS
Him: 40 FWS
Ow: 47 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 23, 20, 19, 17, 12
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 360 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State

BeautifulEmpty
♀ 38763
Member # 38763

Posted: 11:17 AM, July 15th (Monday), 2013

Oh and first, I'm not sure who told you you should be in a solid state of acceptance by now but you will heal on your own schedule. Acceptance is part of healing.
Secondly, you are being faced with something that makes it very hard to do this by any 'normal' timeline. Please cut yourself a bit of slack there.
You've been handed a shit sandwich...they are exceedingly hard to choke down:/ Even under the best and least complicated of circumstances. (((Hugs)))

Me: 44 BS
Him: 40 FWS
Ow: 47 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 23, 20, 19, 17, 12
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 360 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State

wanttogoforward
♀ 29912
Member # 29912

Posted: 1:43 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013

Just a year and a half rachelc?
At a year and a half I would likely have jumped over a table and punched an OW in the face! Still might if I ever encounter one of them! (3+ years here).... there is no right or wrong way to feel... feelings are feelings here and you do not have to accept that this is the way things will always be... as you get further away things will get better, but you have not been in recovery that long yet.

Posts: 1308 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still lost

rachelc
♀ 30314
Member # 30314

Posted: 2:05 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013

Thanks everyone. My friend, who I was with, didn't know. I texted her later what had occurred. She told me I handled myself well and with class. Really, they're not worth getting my hands dirty, but it did wreck my night.
I'm worth more than having any part of my day wrecked. I do not have a handle on those feelings yet and may not ever. I told hubby last night that if I ever saw them both the same day that I am fucking out of here.

[This message edited by rachelc at 2:06 PM, July 15th (Monday)]

Posts: 7613 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest

heartache101
♀ 26465
Member # 26465

Posted: 2:18 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013

I had to incur the same chance meetings while we lived in the same town. We did move 5 years after it all!! Thank God I was so worried I would loose it on one of them. I always smiled and acted happy never ever let them see me otherwise!

Now I look at them and truly wonder if they get what they did to their own families. To themselves?? I bet not.
They just are selfish hateful people and I never want to be like them ever!!

So you stand strong and brave girl!! We are here for you to vent to. Oh and put that house on the market and sale it!! Get out of there. MOVE!! It was the best thing for me and my family. It was hard leaving the town we both had grew up in and I had dreamed of my children gradauting from the same high school etc. etc.
But we moved and we had a great life raising the kids without me being all torn up all the time You are important you shouldn't have to see them on a daily basis. Make a plan so that shouldn't happen if it means moving then move. Best thing I ever did!

There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3223 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana

rachelc
♀ 30314
Member # 30314

Posted: 3:22 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013

We could move if I pushed the issue... not sure I have the energy.
I want him to take me in his arms and say, "RachelC, let's get you out of here."

Posts: 7613 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest

Garnet
♀ 39070
Member # 39070

Posted: 10:05 AM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013

Seeing them is very difficult no matter how far into recovery you are!! Hold your head high and know that you would never stoop to their skanky pathetic level!!! They are the scum of the earth!!!

Garnet☀

Posts: 84 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: MA

UndecidedinMA
♀ 33732
Member # 33732

Posted: 5:46 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013

You are doing fine. I am coming up on 2 yrs and the only time I saw her was when we "talked" (big mistake)

I honestly don't know what I will do when I see her, so you are doing excellent.

ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA

rachelc
♀ 30314
Member # 30314

Posted: 5:55 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013

But I resent this is something i have to "do." After all I've been through, there should be nothing else I have to withstand. The stuff in the past is bad enough...
Same with him.

Posts: 7613 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest

authenticnow
♀ 16024
Member # 16024

Posted: 6:48 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013

Garnet,
Please note the Reconciliation forum guidelines:
There is to be no venting about or name calling the OP in this forum.

Thank you.

“Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of “you’re not alone.” ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 54941 | Registered: Sep 2007

Topic Posts: 13

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