XH lives 1/2 a mile away. Walking distance. This is great for the kids. I have not minded a very casual back and forth because it's good for the kids. I don't mind that XH brought them home tonight rather than having them on his night--because he had good reasons and it was better for the kids than being left alone tomorrow morning with my 24 year old DS who lives with his dad (he's an underemployed grouch who snaps at the younger kids, he's probably got ADHD and Asperger's, and XH was right to not want the younger kids alone with him when he takes the youngest for his doctor's appointment tomorrow.)
BUT...God forbid, when XH marched in here at 10:30 at night, just burst in on what was otherwise a peaceful, quiet evening, showed up with absolutely no warning, not so much as letting me know, much less asking, stood in my kitchen yelling at the kids and grouching about how he wants his sleep and blah blah blah, I actually SAID, "Stop yelling."
Yeah. I said, "Stop yelling."
But because I have not told my kids what a slimebutt cheating, thieving liar their father is, they think I'm the bad guy for filing for divorce, and 'stealing' his money. (ie, child support.) And they're always very quick to rush to his defense.
So DS13 told me he's not yelling at me. Uh, yeah, he's yelling. I don't care if it's at me. He doesn't need to be yelling at his kids all the time, either. And he's still standing in my kitchen that was quite pleasant and peaceful till he showed up, YELLING and I damn well WILL say something about it.
I said, "It gets a little irritating to have someone just burst in on me at 10:30 at night."
DS13 then told me, "Don't you think it's irritating for him having kids who stay up all night?"
I reminded him I HAVE these exact same kids FIVE NIGHTS A WEEK, yeah, I know exactly what it's like to put a bunch of kids to bed every night. But...they go to bed for me because I actually pick the computer up and take it away instead of just yelling about it for three hours.
How in the world does my otherwise intelligent 13 year old MISS the fact that I do indeed know what it's like to put a bunch of kids to bed every night? But these kids are so busy feeling sorry for their dad, that they sort of miss all these things.