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can't focus / trouble sleeping

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ProbableIceCream posted 7/15/2013 00:18 AM

So in an earlier thread I mentioned that I had filed (hopefully) the final papers for the divorce last Monday (Jul 8).

I noticed since then I've been feeling kind of out of it and been having trouble focusing at work, a little trouble sleeping, generally a bit down. Is it possible it's hitting me really hard unconsciously? I really hate feeling like I can't focus, but I feel better about it somehow if I have an excuse.

Also on top of that on Thursday I lost my car. It's not a money thing--I was driving the car into the ground on purpose, and had money set aside for getting another car, but wasn't expecting to lose this one quite so soon (it was worth maybe $500 and I lent it to a close relative who totalled it).

SBB posted 7/15/2013 07:10 AM

I think I've hit some sort of plain of lethal flatness during this last bit. Like all of the adrenalin I needed during the storm is now tapering off in this calm after the storm.

It is nothing like it was last year - just a general flatness. Its winter here so I've been blaming that.

It may just be a dip on this roller coaster. If it feels like something more you should talk to your Dr about it.

cayc posted 7/15/2013 07:18 AM

My take on this is that you've somehow managed to avoid *strong* feelings about this whole thing. I'm not saying you haven't said you were hurt, upset or whatever, but many of your posts have been "I'm hurt but oh well the sun is shining today so big whoop". A little bit of hyperbole perhaps, but the gist is there.

When you get good at ignoring how you feel, then feeling badly often presents itself like this. Lack of focus, feeling "off", making little unusual mistakes, forgetting things.

To me that's just your version of crying at the drop of a hat. So perfectly normal, and yes, I'd agree this stuff is bothering you. As well it should. Being the victim of an A sucks, and D is never happy even if it's easy/goes well.

Just focus on taking care of yourself. Do all the self care things you need to do to feel hopeful again. I predict a new car untainted by A, M or D might feel pretty good

Hang in there. You're doing well truly!

ProbableIceCream posted 7/15/2013 19:01 PM

Yeah, as to strong emotions.. I had a hell of a lot of them for at least a couple months last year (I mean I was sobbing, depressed, anxious, etc) but after a while I gradually just accepted it. It helped that there was never any chance of reconciliation and I was forced to adjust all at once. And I do get sad about it still or I feel really weird about it still, once in a blue moon, but I don't really post about it.

I mostly just want to be legally protected and I want my daughter to be okay, which means I need to move on with my life and continue functioning and making improvements, which I have been.

Anyway, that was a bit of a tangent.. yep, I feel much 'safer' (lower adrenaline) now that I have the agreement on paper, and yes, I think that when I'm done figuring out this car thing it'll be really cool to have something completely mine.

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