[This message edited by soveryalone1 at 5:48 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)]
I pushed her away ?
I am not a woman, but it sure sounds like it...
...started drifting apart... I wasn't there for her... I am bipolar, have PSTD, and anxiety disorder...I have trust issues...a bad drug habit ... out of the nearly 12 years I worked maybe 2 ...relapsed many many times ...drugs were just one of the issues ... didn't care to spend time with her, or even talk to her ... extreme anxiety over her "friendship"... drunk and called her over 50 times... I am not saying I would want to work it out with her
It certainly sounds like she has moved on and is not interested in a relationship with you. Not meant to be hurtful, just telling it like it sounds.
It seems to me that there are some huge obsticles here and it sounds like the relationship ended. You are only going to get out of a relationship what you put into it and if you neglect it it dies. I don't mean to sound cruel when I say this but I think she was already long gone. I think now you need to focus on yourself and try to fix those things that made you push her away in the first place.
From what you describe in your posts, you pushed her away with your actions and inactions, absolutely. Still not an excuse for her EA.
You mention that she could have told you she didn't love you anymore, however she did mention that resentment was building on her part. So she was vocal about her dissatisfaction. Were you receptive to discussing these issues with her? I can tell you with certainty that ignoring her, and her feeling used, would kill sexual attraction, regardless of how you look.
It seems your real question is if the OM is superior to you, and if he lured her away with a special quality or depth of love, or if you pushed away and caused the demise of the relationship. Based on what you've written, I'd guess the latter. (I'll say again - no excuse for an EA).
Married over 12 years, together for 21.
DD#1: 12/12/10 - LTA of 3 years, 2 mos.
DD#2: 02/02/11 - 2 EA/PA with coworkers, a month after the LTA was ended (by OW).
[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 1:32 PM, July 15th (Monday)]
You're grieving. It was a 12 year relationship. It's gonna hurt. Let yourself feel. If will get better.
Helen Fisher, an anthropologist, did some real solid work on the chemicals the brain releases in the throws of rejection. Just as addictive as the falling in love ones.
Understanding what you're going through can help so much as you try to work through it. You are not alone. This shit is tough. That's why there's whole sections in bookstores on it.
Fucking blows epically and hits hard at so many vulnerable spots.
Check this out and see if any of it fits for you.
[This message edited by uncertainone at 4:03 PM, July 15th (Monday)]
'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth
ETA: Just wanted to say as well that you were very brave to be so honest about your issues. Just like at AA, the first step is admitting them (and some people never even get that far). But don't be too scared of them now that you've admitted him. I think there are something like 11 more steps to go after admitting your issues. Be brave and keep facing them. It's the only path that leads to healing. Hugs!!
[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 4:23 PM, July 15th (Monday)]
Good for you for working to stay sober and clean. Keep at it. Keep working on you. That is the most important thing right now.
Or any other drugs for that matter?