so torn and broken...
I'm working on what to say to him to start it off. Such as, "How far have you and E gone?" Or... "what did you buy her the weekend I was out of town?" And then let it take its own course.
Now it's time to only focus on the big picture: Are you in or out of this marriage?
As I walked into the bathroom, he quickly drops his cell into his underwear. I was like "what are you doing?" He said he was just reading his magazine. I said "you dropped something in your underwear." He had no response. I looked though, kinda peeked a bit, and saw it was her again.
I don't say this lightly: Time to start the divorce proceedings. I understand it's NOT "what you want." But it's time.
Maybe the shock of losing his wife and child will wake him up (but don't count on it.)
Big pic: He's disrespecting you. He's disrespecting his marriage vows.
What's your next step, jk5366?
Please push him off that fence today! He will either: beg for forgiveness and be willing to work on the M or leave for her... it is simply best for your sanity and health to not keep going the way you are.... a choice needs to be made.... you will heal either way- with or without him, and time will go on, and you will find happiness again!
I dont know your backstory or how long you have known about the affair.
For me I discovered my wifes A in early September...we started counseling...she chose to take the EA and move it to a PA in October. She broke NC in November..he did not respond.
I think it makes a difference where you are at from DD. Read about the fog...it is a dreadful thing and I beleive it was everybit as hurtful as the affair itself...because during the fog period our WS's KNOW that we KNOW...and yet choose to continue to damage us and our marriage....
Only you will know your limits...just saw you were a new member and wanted to get you up to speed on a few things I wish I knew early on. I found this site 4 months after my DD...would not have made so many mistakes had I had the knowledge this site offers.
Peace and God be with you.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 4:54 PM, July 16th (Tuesday)]
Take care of yourself....this is a very hard phase. We are here for you.
jk5366, Congratulations on reaching the ACTION stage!
i want to make sure i have stuff lined up, bills ready to be split, etc, so he can't say "but what will you do about this/that, etc." i'm not renewing my cell phone yet because of this mess. among other bills, etc. i am going to have his stuff ready to go with him.
so, ya, i'm working toward the day...
Keep it up!
Instead, I would tell him, "You are having an ongoing affair with E. I am not willing to be in a marriage with three people. So, this is it: you have 24 hours to establish permanent NC with her and commit to R, or to move out." (Omit the "commit to R" if you're really done.)
He said he was just reading his magazine. I said "you dropped something in your underwear." He had no response. I looked though, kinda peeked a bit, and saw it was her again.
they refriended on FB
I am so very sorry that you are going through this shit storm of betrayal by your WH. Infidelity Sucks
But I would like to concur that 'shock and awe' are the way to go.
I know that you are pissed off that he has the nerve to do this right in front of you...but you seem so level headed. Being reasonable is not the way to go.
You have got to get MAD!
Have a friend watch your DD and Find Your BitchBoots!
I would not even give him 24 hours for NC...Right NOW is a good time. Since he is texting non stop, I'm sure he has the number.
Don't let him have time to think about this. If so, he may give his AP a 'heads up' and they will take the affair underground.
I know it may seem like it is easy for me to say. But trust me, I did not know what SI was and I made Mr. Happy JUMP UP and tell her "NO MORE!" No more dates, no more work for her, and no more help with her projects.
And you know what? He acted foggy for about a day, then he realized that the gig was up!
TT was another issue but since I have 'Snapped' a few times, he does not want see my BitchBoots again.
I am not into emasculation of my man. All I did was mark a bright line, a boundary that I was not going to let him cross without consequences. Then I stuck to those consequences.
If he falters and really fights to protect his AP, you may have to have some 'consequences' up your sleeve. So figure out your game plan...Plan A is he is compliant or Plan B if he protects the AP.
You cannot control him, but you sure can control YOU!
Decide what you want your marriage to look like and don't let your WH or his affair partner dictate your life.
You got this!
Sending you strength and most of all please protect your heart.
[This message edited by Getting to Happy at 12:12 PM, July 22nd (Monday)]
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.