Anyway, here I am about 4 months out from d-day 2. The entire affair was about 4 months. I feel like I'm hitting a point where I need to come to some kind of resolution about OW. I never made any contact with her after d-day 2. I realize that I have the power to absolutely destroy her relationship with her family and friends, as well as her medical licensing. On the flip-side, I realize that if I'm not going to do these things that I fantasize about, then I best bury her, mentally, as simply a nasty side-effect of many issues WH was and is dealing with in his life right now. She is evil, I am certain. Sociopathic, most likely. And because of that some kind of emotional appeal, exposing her to the pain she caused, would fall on a deaf conscience. I feel very comfortable in knowing that she deserves whatever she has coming to her, and I know I could give her a lot! But of course, those actions bring on the possibility of her making contact, bringing her back into our life in some way, and lord knows what else.
So what to do? I feel like "letting go" of her mentally (aka. burying her) is probably the healthiest thing to do, but I'm having a hard time committing to that because I feel like if I want to do something, I should not wait much longer.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who hit this point in their healing. How did you decide? What did you decide? Were you happy with your decision?
[This message edited by naivewife at 3:00 PM, July 15th (Monday)]
Many here will say *crickets* don't do anything, karma will catch up (I don't believe in karma), but, you know we aren't all the same. What one BS needs for peace isn't what another BS needs for peace. What I feel it boils down to is, what do you want to do in your heart of hearts, naivewife? If destroying OW is what you feel you want, I say go for it.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
Together 35 years
6-5-06 Day of Reckoning
Familiarity breeds contempt.
ETA: It is almost 5 years since the A ended and she is still a single mother, boarding with her Uncle and her mom, fatter than ever and now jobless and I have heard other than her mom and a sister she rarely sees she has no friends and she literally spends 18 hours+ a day playing games on FB.
[This message edited by TheTooGoodWife at 4:12 PM, July 15th (Monday)]
I did regret at times not sharing the evidence and destroying her anyway. I managed to restrain myself b/c I guess I knew we were best NOT bringing her and the drama it would cause back into our life.
Sometimes I struggled with the fact that she pushed herself into our lives and got away scot free. However, I have kept tabs on her, and think the karma bus may have finally caught up. Also, I've reminded myself from time to time that her actions showed that she was a pathetically lonely person, and she's been forced back to that pathetic existence.
I DID and do still retain the evidence, and probably will until the day I read her obit. One false step and I will gladly rain a s### storm down on her!
D-Day, June 10, 2012
If her actions have no bearing on her ability to function professionally---and did not impinge on her work performance--I'm not sure I would.
NOT because I think she doesn't deserve it. Of course she does.
But when you say, "Sociopath," it gives me pause.
If you've ever had protracted dealings with a sociopath, you'd know that poking the bear invites ongoing, relentless contact and retribution.
A normal person would, on some level, accept that she "earned" whatever came her way as a result of her choices to have an affair with a married man. She might protest (and therefore be unpleasantly present in your life) for a short time. But she'd likely go away pretty quickly, tail between legs.
Not so a sociopath.
Be aware that you may be inviting real trouble. Because a pissed-off, entitled, unemployed sociopath will have far too much time on her hands---which means that she'll have far too much time to devote to punishing you for her own bad behavior.
Trust me. She can really amplify the damage to a level far beyond what currently exists.
That's my concern.
No contact may not be satisfying, if you're seeking justice. But with a sociopath, there really is no such thing as justice.
[This message edited by solus sto at 6:18 PM, July 15th (Monday)]