"I hate women they are all ------- they will screw anything"
I had a hard time figuring out how to respond. He has no one but me to talk to about triggers etc because he does not want to out the A to anyone. And he doesn't unload on me often at all. This sort of text is very rare.
It's a little scary for me because I can't be like a guy friend and say, "yep dude all women are ------'s". Can I? I was a (whatever) when I had the A, lied, gas lighted, blame shifted, etc. but I'm working very hard to be my best self. But I don't even think he was talking about me in his text. I think he's just upset and venting a little. He needs understanding.
I'm really not as accomplished as many of you on here in expressing myself. So I thought really hard and replied, "I'm sorry your day is sucking."
I think I could have done better. I hate texting stuff like that.
Please let's don't talk about this like it's abusive. You would not believe how well he treats me or how kindly he normally speaks to me.
It's a relief for me when he will share his pain even if it's hard to hear sometimes.
I'm looking for how could I have handled this better. Or how I can still handle it better...
PS---he's not going to be happy I shared this on SI but we are anonymous.....
[This message edited by knightsbff at 4:15 PM, July 15th (Monday)]
I edit often to fix stuff ☺️
Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.
And though you've asked for no comments about his choice of words, they do add up, taken at face value, to a pretty ugly sounding sweeping condemnation and generalization of the fairer sex. While you say he's treating you kindly and well, could perhaps those words uttered at the entire female population be considered to INCLUDE you? Perhaps what he won't say directly he is saying indirectly. Does he have reason to be angry at every other woman on the planet...or does he have a particular reason to be angry at you?
Don't want to read too much into something that might be just blowing off steam, but then again...seems like some raw and intense feelings might be in play here. Worth perhaps asking him directly, seeing how you've shared here. imho.
Why wudnt u just ask what bothered him?
[This message edited by knightsbff at 4:44 PM, July 15th (Monday)]
While you say he's treating you kindly and well, could perhaps those words uttered at the entire female population be considered to INCLUDE you?
[This message edited by knightsbff at 5:22 PM, July 15th (Monday)]
"I am sorry something has upset you so much. Call me when you can and we can talk. I love you."
Some of the staff were joking about one of the nurses who he HAD a lot of respect for. They informed BH today that she had been cheating on her husband while he was deployed and while she was pregnant. He is feeling that no one on earth is faithful.
Just expressing anger and frustration.
"Help me to understand what you are feeling right now." This would be an appropriate response.