Thank you, Compartmented.
I feel validated as a person by your reply. I guess that's what I'm searching for in life now, is to feel validated and that I have rights to belong on earth, too. The damage the man did to my psyche is more than I can cope with sometimes and in weaker times, it nearly has worked.
Yet, he, like your WH, has a vast amount of problems and he won't ever get help because he doesn't believe anything is wrong with him-it's classic-the rest of the world is the problem.
Believe it or not, I work really hard to not think of him, or of her, but I am weak now, as I said. There are more things I don't understand and maybe is better if I don't, but I can't get rid of the thoughts without having answers-I've learned that of myself.
Things plague me about OW and how she can be such a stupid fool, but it is her journey now.
I am so far out of his life and vice versa, I just don't know how he can still blame me-it's what he did and his own choices, is it not?
And if I speak of that, he runs away like a coward and the blame comes, for he doesn't want the blame on him, even though it is very clearly him that destroyed our lives.
The strange thing is if he had come to me honestly, prior to meeting OW and said "we need to talk", or some such thing about being unhappy if he really was, I would have a lot of respect for him, over time of recovering. But he did no such thing and was never going to tell me, either...he openly admitted that.
Further, he also praised OW for outing him to me.
Now this is a woman who knows. Who knows he abandoned his family -and a child-who knows he lies -who knows he cheats-who knows he abandoned a pregnant wife-so although it's common practice on SI to not dwell on OW and I've prescribed it myself, I cannot understand or relate or fathom this kind of person existing?
She accepts him fully, she accepts him in bed and life and wants a future with this man...I guess I've changed the topic of my thread, but there's so much.
When I think of her now, it's more in the lines of "stupid fool" and I think of the money that she will not see until they are old, grey and bald, if they last that long?
To bring back my whining to the thread topic, this new life is more than two hours away, but he blames the changes on us.
I will do that, Compartmented, thank you. I journal other things, like all the times he doesn't follow the visiting plan and the times he violates the phone call boundaries. He has many luxuries I've given, like extra time, extra days and more, but I get no recognition or thanks for those-only blame in true narcissism style.
This is a lactose intolerant child who was given three ice creams in two days and woke up clutching her belly today and had to miss her activities. I would have missed money but am a volunteer, so I was thinking about asking L about this, because they are pushing me to get employment, but I will lose time when one of the kids is sick now-it's part of why we decided I would be SAHM until middle school.
Thank you for the ideas and validation, once again and sorry for my many questions.
He was a passive aggressive person for many years and now is unleashed-now that he can hit me from cyber space and not see me cry. A friend said once it reminds her of a bully in school who hides behind a tree, mocking a smaller kid. I agreed.
I will never understand some things, like his belief that I have to shoulder the blame. He did actually accuse me once after false R of being the reason he did it and it was one thing that drove me to the lawyer.
And am so mad that the blaming can get to me.
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.