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Beyond Mortified.

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Runninggirl posted 7/15/2013 21:37 PM

Ok. I'm in the awful phase where I am
"Picking at the scab" so to speak.
So, long story short. Contacted MOW "As my H from his old phone to ensure she wouldn't take the bait. (Changed his # but contract isn't up on old one so I charged it back up to look through it and dwell on it for the billionth time)
Totally stupid. No reason to do it
other than....I am in a weird place right now.
I am beyond mortified. Think twice before doing what I just did.
She responded by sending a very pretty picture of herself and then she
added "Hey 'Runninggirl' I know it is you, silly. He hasn't spoken to me. No worries"
SHE ALWAYS COMES OUT AHEAD.

Anyone with similiar nightmare?? Know you are definitely not alone.

If he finds out, I am going to feel beyond foolish. He cannot change his work email so she has probably notified him while laughing hysterically. So shameful I did that.

brkn_heartd posted 7/15/2013 21:48 PM

Runninggirl,
I am sorry this happened. However, you have done it and it is over....let it go. Forgive yourself and figure out how not to do it again. Come up with a distraction plan the next time you consider contacting her. Even if it is sending a note to here on SI. Other SI'ers will help talk you down.

I "pick the scab" sometimes too. Not a good habit...it will lead to scarring. I try to push it out of my brain when I start to "pick". Maybe instead of worrying if she contacts him via work email, just tell him what you did.

Hugs to you.

Kajem posted 7/15/2013 22:06 PM

Next time you feel the urge to contact her, come here.

I second ^^^^ telling your H what you did. Isn't that what you want, him to comfort you when you get to feeling angst and wanting to contact her?

Hugs,

K

Runninggirl posted 7/15/2013 22:08 PM

Thank you. Ugh. Cannot believe set back. I knew better 2x4 on myself and tomorrow is a new day.
Appreciate you all so much.

ladies_first posted 7/15/2013 22:19 PM

Runninggirl, Looks like your Dday was March 2006.

What's going on in your life and your marriage now, causing you to break NC with MOW?

Runninggirl posted 7/15/2013 22:32 PM

Ladies_First, MOW contacted H recently after almost 7 years of NC.
We were doing well, so I thought.
He responded to a FB message from her and FWH apparently lost his mind. It has been a rough few months.
Hugs

wanttogoforward posted 7/16/2013 08:05 AM

No need to beat yourself up or feel bad about it... you have given her some power over you and you need to take back that power! Your response of 'she always comes out ahead' tells me you are still letting her control your emotions....
OW are to be pitied.... they are broken and lost and like a worm beneath your feet for sleeping with married men! You need to change your mindset as to how you think of her.... I would never lower myself to seep with a man married to someone else... but she did and that makes her an oozing slime that is not worthy of your anxiety over! Start some imaging of these things to assist you with how you view her!

Ashland13 posted 7/16/2013 09:08 AM

Oh, yes.

I've only ever contacted "it" once, the day she contacted me to out STBXH.

I was very brief and blunt. I thanked her for the information, for helping to ruin my marriage and life and child's life. I thanked her for the possibilities of STD's for everyone, like a party, including our child and then told her never to contact me ever again.

My phone exploded after that-this is about five months ago now-and though in down times I've had things to say to, I say them in my head but never, ever contact "it".

Nowadays, I don't want it to feel any importance in my life or that she has any rental room in my mind, for that would be giving up too much of myself and I refuse.

But, I have weakness like that too, when I think of "it"-saying "her", gives her a human quality and what she did is not human, BTW, so I took to calling her "It" and him "Perv" or lately, "Mr. Peckerwood".

If I think of her lately, it is a two-fold issue, where I shake my head and think of her as "SF for Stupid fool". Or I contemplate, too often, what the hell kind of person she is to accept him and want a future with him.

Anyway, I agree with the others and if you can let it go, all the better. It sounds like a whim, not to be lighthearted, but like others said, it's done. You can't change it, but you can change how you react, like one of the posts kindly says and change your actions when the thought come back-if they do.

I had to do this directly following DDay of OW and I would give myself small rewards every time the thoughts went away. It also is helping rebuild my pride and self esteem.

I wish you luck and am sad that your WH took the bait and got in contact again. That happened here and I will say, was one of the drivers for me to D. I kept thinking that I couldn't stop the hurt for myself if this was to be the future-would I keep waking up to DDays and how could I live with that, and our child?

LoveActually posted 7/16/2013 10:59 AM

Hi Runninggirl--funny I ran across your post and boy do I know how you feel. I'm 4+ years out and just 2 weeks ago for some unknown reason I felt compelled to go to the OW's yahoo account and try to hack into it--I tried to reset the password and I selected answer the security question--I had no idea it sends an e-mail message to the account holder when this happens and I had no idea that the yahoo user can then go to the log-in activity and see the i.p. address and state that the log-in came from (she lives in another state and when she sees where the log-in attempt was made from she will know immediately it was me). I freaked out for days, felt sick--worried if she would trace my i.p. address,take legal actio, etc.--I haven't told my husband what I did--he would be in shock probably--I am so ashamed. Three days after I did it, I got a fake face book page friend request--I am 99% sure it was her. I feel like an idiot--it's been 4 years of quiet!!! I feel sick over it and mostly because I made her important again. I don't why I did it--there are no reasons other than I was bored and maybe I wanted to stir up drama for myself.

Well my friend, all one can do after this sort of thing is keep moving forward. I did it, I know it was stupid and now time to dust myself off and keep pushing on.

Holly-Isis posted 7/16/2013 13:23 PM

IMO the only way she can KNOW is if she knows he has another number. Otherwise, it's just her guessing.

She doesn't come out on top, because 7yrs after the A, she's still broken enough to give in to the urge to contact your WH.

What has he been doing this time around that he didn't do the last time? How has he shown you that he's all in, ready to be there for you, ready to face his issues?

demos posted 7/16/2013 13:42 PM

I'm with Holly. Thing that comes to my mind is how do she KNOW unless she communicates with him via another method?

lieshurt posted 7/16/2013 13:46 PM

IMO the only way she can KNOW is if she knows he has another number.

This was my first thought too.

EvenKeel posted 7/16/2013 13:52 PM

Thing that comes to my mind is how do she KNOW unless she communicates with him via another method?

This is what popped out to me too. If he has been N/C and she gets a random text from his old number....then she should assume it is him.

The only way she could know 100% it was you (as she did in her overly confident response) is if she was able to verify it truly was not him.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm

EvenKeel posted 7/16/2013 13:54 PM

PS....please don't be feeling shameful or sorry. We all do out-of-sorts stuff from time to time. I think your gut is talking to you and you were just trying to validate. Nothing to be shameful about.

metamorphisis posted 7/16/2013 14:01 PM

Well I first looked at the date you joined and then I was going to give you the standard loving lecture about not torturing yourself and giving her ammo this far out. Then I read your tagline and see that she did fish very recently and he didn't bother to tell you so really.. fuck her and her smug skanky self. Seriously? "Don't worry" ? I'd be half tempted to reply "I'll always have to check if you aren't lurking under a rock somewhere you nasty bitch" but that would solve nothing

Onward runninggirl. She's an asshole. (And apparently I feel like swearing today)

[This message edited by SI Staff at 2:02 PM, July 16th (Tuesday)]

Runninggirl posted 7/16/2013 14:10 PM

Later she explained she knew it was not him, because his writing style is distinct (without giving TMI) Kicking myself for not thinking that part through a little better.
She was able to laugh it off and go about her day, even making light of it a few minutes later. I despise her for having a mind that allows that. Maybe even a little envious to an extent.

They have not been in contact this last go around.
Still keeping eyes wide open.
She does not want H, she just enjoys knowing she can make him follow her like a lost puppy on HER terms.
Apparently the fact that she is bat sh*t crazy is a turn on. However, what I did last night was a different level of nuts.
Maddening, really.
Thank you for the support. Thought I would never be here again.
Hate this for all of us.

JanaGreen posted 7/16/2013 14:11 PM

I'm sorry Runninggirl. I hope she poops her pants in the middle of an important meeting.

Runninggirl posted 7/16/2013 14:12 PM

Metamorphisis, Thank You.

cancuncrushed posted 7/16/2013 14:14 PM

I think several of us learned just recently that linkedin shows who is checking their file. I have only logged in twice. Thats enough to be seen, but I was glad she didnt really know how many times I have tracked her without logging in. I felt humiliated too. And wish it wasnt so. But I wish alot of things "wasnt so". ANd if she does anything,...........well.

Runninggirl posted 7/16/2013 18:05 PM

CancunCrushed,
Thank you for that info.
Had no idea. Ugh.

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