Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Afraid my fWH has killed a part of me

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

DoneWithLove posted 7/15/2013 23:45 PM

Im having a hard time letting go of all of the frustration at any time. Its impossible, if im not thinking about one part of my Hs A then im thinking about how bad it was before or how good I thaught it was. I wanted to have everything with him and we already had so much. We were high school sweet hearts, 2 beautiful boys and accomplished alot together given our rough journey. Now, I dont know what our future holds, outside of alot of obstacles, I have no idea of what will become of us. I was so in love with him, as horrible as he was, I aspired to have a relationship to be proud of. I dont have that anymore, I claim him, love him but im not proud. He killed my pride and lust for life. I want so badly to be normal, have a fulfilling life and M, have more children and all the beautiful things we could have together. But now my faith in him is gone and I dont want to have it with anyone else. If we dont make it, im done with love all together. I guess the fear comes from not feeling completely revived yet, I still have lingering issues and im afraid hes finished off whatever capacity for love I had left.

olwen posted 7/16/2013 03:14 AM

(((Done with love))

I don't really have any advice but I noticed your dday is only 4 days after I finally got the truth out of my h so we are in a very similar place right now.

I also feel part of me has died and all I think of is the affair, which was with a co-worker and lasted 6 weeks, the last 3 weeks after they had sex he was trying to end it but was scared she would tell me.

I struggle every day too. What a miserable place to be in.

I have lost respect and trust in my h and there is a gaping hole where they were. I am hoping time will help

wanttogoforward posted 7/16/2013 08:18 AM

I soooo feel like you ladies do!

I am not the same as I was before! I struggle each day in some way... the funny thing is the days with my H are the best and where I am the most me and relaxed.... it's strange....

Anyway, since the EA (3+ years ago) I can stare at walls for hours and not care.... I have no desire to do the things I loved before.... even driving I will be like spacey and fuzzy.... I know some will say it's depression... but I don't think so.... I can go from fine to anxiety flip out in 2 seconds... things he says/ I hear/ I see on tv send me into a tailspin and triggery..... I've tried the meds for anxiety, but didn't handle side effects well at all.... so I'm on my own I guess.
But long story short.... I am not the same.... a part of me has changed and I want her back... but don't know how to get her.... I truly wonder if it's the 'broken heart' that scientists talk about.... I worry I will never be the same.

DoneWithLove posted 7/16/2013 09:48 AM

We are in MC so I think I will bring it up there but I really dont know if its curable. It doesn't feel curable. Sometimes I wonder if it will go away if I leave him, then I think its to early to tell. I dont really have a gut feeling about this, its all more of a confusion than anything. Hes trying and I apreciate everything but at this point idk if it will work.

still-living posted 7/16/2013 20:25 PM

4 years out and I just wanted to give you my perspective/opinion:

Recovery, be it with your spouse or not, involves morning the loss of your life as you knew it. This includes your spouse, your marriage, your surroundings, -even yourself. Itís gone. You must reconstruct what you believe is true and trust yourself in doing so. You must evolve yourself Darwin style from fish to philosopher in a millisecond through pain that comes from a millennium. You must build yourself to no longer rely on just paper for beta. You need density for gamma, hydrogen for neutron, low density for heat, mass for impact, and so on to combat the new pain you are being exposed to. And furthermore, you must improve yourself to be more efficient by adding Teflon to prevent sticking, copper to project more love, and venting allow forgiveness. This new life ride sucks. It requires a lot of work. It requires a lot of courage and persistence, and pain.

What I can say is that if you manage to work through it and reach the other side, you will reach a level of wisdom and peace that is absolutely incredible. With pain comes wisdom, and with wisdom comes peace. Know that it is available for you on the other side. Your spouse may choose to join you on this journey, or not. You need not rely on your spouse to reach the other side.

[This message edited by still-living at 8:27 PM, July 16th (Tuesday)]

Snapdragon posted 7/16/2013 20:34 PM

If you look to nature and naturally occurring wild-fires you will learn that the fires are often the catalyst to a new ecosystem that becomes vibrant and healthy.

I see an analogy here.

rachelc posted 7/16/2013 20:48 PM

Still living and snapdragon; what beautiful sentiments. Thank you for adding to this thread.

still-living posted 7/16/2013 20:49 PM

If you look to nature and naturally occurring wild-fires you will learn that the fires are often the catalyst to a new ecosystem that becomes vibrant and healthy.

I see an analogy here.

And everything of life strives to achieve a steadier state, even our own minds.

And opposites attract, so now what are we going to do...

DoneWithLove posted 7/16/2013 21:30 PM

Idk, sometimes I feel like I need a break and other times im fine. I want more in life but is he the right person to have a fulfilling life with or at all? For all I know, hes always cheated, still is and always will. I have no idea of what really goes through his head and apparently I never did. If it wasnt for my boys, I would have given up along time ago. I find myself always wanting to scream at him and tell him what I think happened and whats really going on but I dont. I still feel numb.

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 ®. All Rights Reserved.