Thoughts? I consider us to be actively working on R...
At 10 weeks out, your R is in its infancy. The rage comes and goes in waves as we process each and every detail of the horror of it all.
Be kind to yourself, but as your H is trying to do the right things, try also to be kind to him.
I think you handled it well by expressing to him how you were feeling, and by thanking him for trying.
Some are never able to move past the pain, and the rage that we feel at trying to cope with something we had always sworn we would never tolerate. That adds an extra burden to our already painful predicament.
For some it simply is a dealbreaker, but I encourage you to give it more time before deciding.
discovered 4 month long EA
R - slow and steady but very optimistic
My two cent is that you think "liar" because is he is one. It's been 10 weeks. I don't know how long you had been M'd prior to the A, but it take a while to earn trust. After a while that trust we become to depend on. When it is violated regardless of how remorseful or sorry someone is they are not to be trusted for a while at a minimum. I think it not only normal, but very rational. He really needs to prove for while that he is worthy of your trust.
On the other hand there is you. Often it is said here, there are 3 healing's after an A. WS, BS and M. All separate. While the A was about your WS, your recovery IMO is about you. You walk that journey alone, in your head. Why do you want to stay with someone who cheats? What is in it for you? What do you want your life to look like in that context. For me resolving those types of questions my the 'liar' voice go away. I got comfortable with that is who she was, that she was working to fix herself and was telling me about it and that I was developing the life I wanted still regardless of her.
I would say try to focus on what he is doing now, is he being the man you want? Is he remorseful? Does he get it? If those answers are yes, then just try to ride it out, and be happy in today.
Whether these are legitimate 'I don't remember's remains to be seen.
Looking back shortly after dday, I thought my husband was remorseful but it was more regret than remorse at that point, and he ended his affair on his own and 'confessed' (his original version didn't match the truth however). IMO remorse transforms from what I saw in the beginning. But I only say that now with more distance in the rearview mirror. He was supportive, wanted to work on himself and the M and did many things right, which helped me.
I would guess (another leap ) that you wanting to scream LIAR is because your gut is screaming at you for the simple reason that you are getting 'I don't remember' answers. So therefore, you don't have all the answers you need to quiet that voice yet. The frustration of that will add to your anger.
Until you can be given answers or piece things together for your own satisfaction in your mind, it will be unsettled. This is a long process.
He rarely says "I don't know" when asked questions about the A. In fact I have been rather astonished at some of the questions he could have lied to that he chose to tell me the bad awful truth to instead. It has made me be a wee bit more careful about what I actually ask.
Thanks for all the replies thus far. Your guidance and wisdom means so much...
It's hell Catchy. It truly is. Two things that will help you believe this is time and consistency.
As a BS it's hard to keep up one's self-esteem. It's easy to think - we've been taught to think - that our WS cheated because of some failure in us. It's hard to feel lovable or loved when our best friend and lover has cheated.
There's only one tactic I've discovered for combatting that thought - I keep telling myself I'm loving, lovable, and capable. Lots of repetition is necessary - but it's true for all of us, so it bears repeating.
Second, your H has just come off a period a serious lying, and it stopped - possibly - only 10 weeks ago. The fact that you don't trust is a point very much in your favor. I'm 30 months out from a very smooth R (I mean, it sucked, but it was pretty much as smooth as R can go, I think), and our MC says it makes perfect sense for me not to fully trust my W.
Be gentle with yourself. That means, in part, protect yourself against your WS until he gives extremely solid proof you can trust him an something. Step by step....